Love and Power: Are They Mutually Exclusive?

Okay, here's my confession: Every day my Replay TV (competitor to TiVo) records "Oprah." At night, or once a week, I catch up. I watch some of them and I am not interested in some so I just erase them.

I'm more of sucker for the celebrity interviews than the person-on-the-street stuff, extraordinary things happening to ordinary people, etc.* Nah, give me a celeb and give me some insight into who they really are and what makes them tick. Danny DeVito's (allegedly) drunken appearance on "The View" earlier this week gave me a new angle on him -- he's a cute, happy, loquacious drunk -- and the ladies. Rosie O'Donnell very kindly rescued him by pulling him onto her lap and cuddling him like a baby. Barbara Walters was pissed at his behavior and tried to get him to talk about his movie that he was there to promote. Joy Behar and Elisabeth Hasselbeck just went with the flow.
*There are exceptions -- I just wept while watching Oprah's inspiring "Pay It Forward" show of Nov. 27. Wow.

As a journalist who has never covered the celebrity beat, I've only interviewed three of them: Annette Funicello, Patrick Duffy (Bobby on "Dallas") and the late Buck Owens. I found Annette and Patrick way too guarded so I didn't get much insight into them. My day spent with Buck while writing about country radio station KNIX in Phoenix, which he owned, was a truly wonderful and enlightening experience. What a sexy, charismatic man! Yes, Buck Owens! In person he was hot! I felt a special chemistry with him and felt like we were pals as well as journalist and celebrity. Such is the magic of a truly charming man. (Yes, Buck Owens! Get over it.)

On the Nov. 30 show of "Oprah," Oprah and Ellen Burstyn were talking about giving their power away to men. They both said they had done that in the past. Ellen finished talking about her own struggle with that by saying, "And finally you have to be able to say, 'It's all right -- I can be powerful and be a woman and be loved all at once.'"

I was astonished. I have long admired Ellen Burstyn -- her incredible acting and her as a person. She plays strong, dignified, intelligent women. That usually means powerful, if not toweringly powerful at least personally powerful. To hear that she's been "giving her power away to men" was unfathomable to me.

I had such a hard time relating to the struggle of being powerful vs. being a woman and being loved. I have been in love and loved more than a few times but can't remember a time when I felt I had less power in a relationship than outside it. In fact, I feel much more alive and happy and beautiful and able to do anything when I'm in a relationship. Even when they have gone bad, they've been sad and painful and frustrating but even when I didn't feel powerful when or after they ended, I didn't feel like I gave my power away to anyone. And I always counted on my friends to infuse me with their power to hurry along my healing.

Maybe it's because I was an only child that I always relied on myself, my friends, my parents and Providence to take care of me, guide me, soothe me and fuel me every day. I just knew that someone would always be there, even if I didn't know exactly who. And they have been. Even strangers. Especially strangers. You just never know where help will come from. And knowing you can get help for whatever you're going through makes you feel powerful.

I think only children tend to be cherished, doted on, attended to and encouraged that they can do and be anything. When someone important to you has faith in you, you do feel powerful. I am so fortunate and grateful that I can't relate to the idea of giving my power away to a man. Only The Man. :)