Living Below the Line

A friend told me about "the line." Our activities are either "above the line" or "below the line," she told me. What we do below the line are things that get us back up to "even" or back to normalcy. What we do above the line are things that advance us in our careers, our personal lives, our free time interests, etc. Ideally, we live most of our lives above the line.

We do have to make space for below-the-line stuff. Things that either keep us out of trouble or get us in a position to do above-the-line things to make progress. The usual little things like filling the car with gas, making the bed and doing the dishes, taking a shower, going to the bathroom, changing a lightbulb, etc. More significant things like paying our bills, figuring and paying our taxes, recovering after a broken bone or serious illness or even the flu, replacing a tree that died, getting the brakes fixed in our car, and so forth.

Some below-the-line things take more time and energy. My hip replacement was a long process, first of letting the pain limit my activities, then of going through the operation and the weeks-long (really months-long) recovery (despite that my friends said I'd be all brand new in just a few weeks). Losing a job and looking for new work definitely is a below-the-line undertaking.

Mostly, lately I feel like I'm living my life below the line. There's always something that interrupts or interferes with what I *want* to do or need to do or think I should be doing. I've gotta go to the dentist or be home when the exterminator comes or get my windshield wipers fixed. And those are just the normal things! Then there are the urgent things to take care of, like when you get the flu or your car battery dies. And then inevitably there are big below-the-line things, like a serious illness or death of a relative or even unpacking after a move. The move may be an above-the-line thing that moves your life forward but the unpacking is just a gotta-do before you can really move forward. (Or, as in my case, my below-the-line collection of boxes that I have yet to unpack after moving two years ago are cluttering up my bonus room. They haunt me every day, but I keep not getting around to them.)

Long ago I learned to just emotionally budget for below-the-line stuff. Budget for interruptions. Budget for things that go bad or wrong and have to be addressed. I must have a budget limit, though, because I've noticed that I am fine with a certain amount of these things, but at some point, even if they are small things, I get annoyed and discouraged, wondering if I'll ever get free of the gotta-dos and get back to the wanna-dos.

I've come to realize that the whole concept of "below-the-line" is deceptive. It's real enough to be a PITA (pain in the ass) when we have to deal with stuff in that category. But the idea that it slows us down or stops us from advancing is really bogus. Everything we do contributes to our history, our story, our very being. Everything we tackle and overcome (or even just finish) adds to our tool box of coping mechanisms and strengths, as well as our empathy. Those attributes are essential for moving forward. So, below-the-line stuff is as good for us as above-the-line stuff, and leads to a bigger, better life as well.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it. At least it's what I'm telling myself as my to-do list for today is mostly made up of taking care of things I'm way behind on, making calls I don't want to make to resolve things I thought were handled the first time around and just plain catching up on dreary obligations. Now off to get my windshield wiper mechanism fixed...another below-the-line gotta-do. But at least I can hopefully do some above-the-line writing while I wait.

Yo-Yoing on the Diet Merry-Go-Round (to mix metaphors)

Well, I'm back at it. Losing more of the weight I've gained back. I'm back on the Beta HCG Diet combined with ViSalus shakes for the next 30-40 days, plus 3 weeks of adjustment by adding in more foods but no sugars, starches or grains. So...I'll be on this strict diet through Christmas. Oh sure, make it easy on yourself, Judy. Well, my body doesn't give me an exemption for holidays, and I'm in the mood for this, so off we go!

Since the end of 2011 I've lost 150 pounds. Yay me! Yet I'm only down 50 pounds from where I started.

Say whaaaaa?

The 25 pounds I lost after Round 1 of the HCG diet have stayed off. The second 25 pounds came back twice before staying off (hopefully) permanently. Well, all but 4 or 5 pounds. Most of the third 25 pounds that I lost with HCG and ViSalus came back, and I'm now on the way back down once more, again thanks to HCG along with ViSalus.

So what's the problem?

I'm addicted to sugar and carbs.

As long as I stay off of them, I feel good and I can maintain my weight. But the minute I have the first bite of a saltine cracker or Honey Nut Cheerios or chocolate anything, I begin a slide down a very slippery slope back into not being able to control or fight off cravings for more more more. Ugh!

After I lose this 25 pounds again, which I should accomplish by about Jan 10, and after my 3 weeks of no sugars, grains or starches, the challenge will be to keep it off. Then I have committed myself to losing another 25 pounds by the end of July.

Losing it is the easy part. As most dieters will tell you, the hard part is keeping it off. Diets are easier because you see results on an ongoing basis and feel better and better. There's an end to dieting, especially on structured plans like HCG. But with maintenance, it's endless days of drudgery, feeling deprived of foods you love, with nothing to celebrate. Losing is worth celebrating -- it's an event! Maintaining is same-old same-old, trudging along the difficult road of I-can't-have-that-now-or-maybe-ever.

Gee, you think I need an attitude adjustment?

In my saner moments, i.e., when I'm not "on" sugar, I can eat to live, live to be healthy, etc. But the sugar and carbs fuzzify my thinking, not to mention roil up my cravings. I don't care about eating to live; I live to eat. I think about lunch right after breakfast or even while I'm eating breakfast. I think about dinner or, worse, a mid-afternoon carby snack, at or shortly after lunch. And nighttime is the absolute worst! After dinner, it starts. I crave something sweet to finish off my meal. Sometimes I'll have dessert at a restaurant after dinner and then come home and have carb-amnesia, virtually forgetting that I've had dessert, and root around for something sweet. The problem is that I love these foods -- love the taste, love the comfort, love the very satisfying feeling I have after eating an entire sleeve of saltines with swiss cheese or half of a healthy (or unhealthy)-size bag of M&Ms. I ignore the logy feeling I get half an hour later, or the desire to take a nap or fall asleep in my chair. I despair the next day when the scale has crept up another pound.

I am desperate to stop that destructive cycle.

The next month or two on the HCG/ViSalus diet will give me another chance to clear out the carb toxins from my body. I always feel so good on and right after this diet. I love the way I can move better, wear smaller-sized clothes and want to move more. I just don't know how to stop succumbing to my carb addiction.

Every other time, I've focused on losing the weight and been pleased that it's not easy to gain any of it back. I've definitely earned my weight gains each time. It's not my body's resistance to healthy eating; it's my indulgence in one carb after another. Like an addict. Because that's what it is, an addiction to carbs.

I'm sure I'm hardly the only person in this world that has that challenge. I'm just determined to overcome it.

So this time, I'm seeking help from people who can help me with the keeping-it-off part of losing weight. Meanwhile, I have another 35 days to go with HCG and ViSalus, and I'm feeling soooo much better already! Stay tuned!

A New Pair of Glasses...Sort Of

Yesterday I got new contact lenses. I've worn contacts since 9th grade, and they were very different then. Kind of like rocks. They hurt and my eyes ached if I had my eyes closed for even a couple of minutes. No way could I even take a nap with them in. My eyes were sore a lot. Contacts were "hard," not "rigid" as they are now.

When I would get new lenses back then, my eyes would hurt after a few hours and I'd have to take them out. Since I can't even see the big E on the eye chart, being without them was challenging. Forget driving, watching tv or nearly anything when the room I was in was fuzzy, let alone doing anything that required focus. Those were difficult times.

People would say you had to really want contacts to wear them back then. For me, it wasn't so much a vanity thing as a practical thing. Contacts didn't fog up like glasses did. I lived in Colorado then and they fogged up a lot in the winter. But the main reason I preferred contacts was...I could SEE in a way that I couldn't with glasses. Clearly, even with my peripheral vision.

Over the years, contacts have evolved, thank God! I still wear "rigid," gas-permeable lenses, the modern-day version of hard contacts. I have so much astigmatism that soft lenses didn't work for me, not to mention that I had a helluva time getting them in and out of my eyes. I assume soft lenses have gotten better, too, over the years, but my eye doctors tell me that while they're getting better able to correct astigmatism, they still wouldn't be enough for me. But the ones I wear now are comfortable, rarely hurt, my eyes almost never ache (though they do get tired after wearing them for 20 hours), and I can comfortably take lengthy naps with them in.

So I now have to adjust to new lenses that fit differently. Something about a "bulging cornea" that has a long name I don't remember. For years they treated it with rigid contact lenses that in essence pushed against the cornea. Now my new eye doctor in Arizona says I'm starting to get some scarring and says the new way of treating it is to not push against the cornea with contacts. Losing my sight would be unimaginable, frankly (and I admire the people who can handle it well), so I'll do whatever they say will be good for my sight. So here I am with new, differently fitting contacts.

As I write this, I don't have them in. My eyes didn't exactly hurt last night after wearing them for less than seven hours, but they were on the verge of hurting, if that makes sense. So I don't want to wear them for my usual all-day time today. I have to squint to see the writing on my laptop computer screen (or hold it up to five inches in front of my face), I have to squint to read my nearby desk clock, TV is a colorful blur, and I wouldn't dream of stepping outside my front door. It's extremely annoying and after awhile I usually get a headache from the strain.

...which brings me to...gratitude.

I am so grateful when I take the time to reflect on everything I've got that I assume will be there every day, everything I take for granted will be there. I can breathe on my own. I can walk. I can talk. My fingers work. I can see (usually well, thanks to my contacts). The power is on. My house is standing and dry and secure. My car and possessions are safe. My phone works. I have food in the refrigerator. I am blessed.

Many times I have said that if we all threw our problems in a big pile, I'd knock anyone over to get to my own. I'm used to them, for one thing. And, I've got nothing to worry about compared to so many people.

So as I sit here with my fuzzy vision, I am thanking my lucky stars -- and God -- for my blessings. For one day, I vow not to lust after anything I don't already have. Except maybe for the courage to change the things I can.