Musings on topics of small or large importance. Especially partial to subjects that include baby boomers, public figures, friends, Corporate America, the Denver Broncos, NASCAR, my previous home towns of New York City and Columbia (Maryland), stupidity (mine and others'), diets and health and who knows what else!

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Christmas Reds, Greens and Blues

It's Christmas Eve. I see reds and greens everywhere and my heart warms to joys of the holiday season. Since I was a little girl, Christmas has been the most special time of the year. My parents blew it out at Christmas, and I joined in when I became an adult. Our tree had more presents under it than that of most large families, and there were just the three of us, my mom and dad and me.

We had the presents part of Christmas figured out in a way that worked for all of us. We spent a lot of money every year, but we bought things for each other that we needed and/or wanted and probably would have bought anyway. It was all very practical, though we all tried to give one present that was a surprise, some fairly spectacular, some not. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day were times of closeness and laughter, and I treasure those memories.

Most of all, our Christmas present opening was a great, FUN experience every year. I usually played Santa Claus, i.e., handed everyone their presents in turn. My mom would get carried away with each gift, wanting to examine it or play with it or try it on, and we had to hurry her along. My dad and I were more like "thanks -- I'll look at this in depth later; what's next?" Our eyes were bright with anticipation, just like kids', even if we pretty much knew what we were getting. We opened presents in the old German tradition, on Christmas Eve -- my dad was German and that's the way his family did it. After he died in 1994, my mom and I shifted that to Christmas morning the first year but went right back to Christmas Eve the next year. It just felt right for us.

I used to like going to church on Christmas Eve but as my parents got older they wanted to open the packages earlier and were irritated at having to wait so long so I stopped going. It only felt like a sacrifice the first year or so; I saw how happy it made my folks to have our family time uninterrupted. We'd put on Christmas music and get our (non-alcoholic) drinks, stake out our places in the living room where we could pile up our goodies as we opened them, and we'd usually be finished by anywhere between 9:30 and 11:00. Every year we'd shake our heads in amazement and comment, "What a Christmas!" We knew we were blessed.

When my mom met the man who would be her companion for 11 years until she passed away in 2009, it only took one off-target Christmas and by the next one we had him trained. The three of us had a decade of pretty incredible Christmases, not just because of the presents but also because of being together and all of us pitching in to get our traditional turkey dinner on the table, thanks in part to the pre-prepped dinners from one of the local grocery stores, which were pretty darn good! Even doing the dishes together was a bonding holiday experience.

Such totally grand memories of Christmases all of my life! I spent every single Christmas of my life with both of my parents until my dad died and then with my mom until she died. So Christmas of 2009 was quite a shock. It was like going from 100 miles an hour to hitting a big, nasty, immovable Jersey barrier. My mom had passed away less then two months prior to that and it was sad and empty without her. Deeply, gut-level sad. I was also still in shock. I have great friends and that helped.

This year, however, I decided not to travel to see my good friends in Phoenix as I have in years past. (Phoenix is where my mom lived; I lived there myself for a decade, and I have fabulous friends there.) So on Christmas Eve, tonight, I went solo to the Cheesecake Factory, which is so close by that I walked to it. Dinner was delicious and the holiday din of fellow diners felt festive while I ate and read my Kindle.

Christmas Day I have no plans. I turned down invitations to some folks' homes, some in other states. I don't mind being alone. I'd rather be alone than be with somebody else's family -- it would make me miss mine even more. The exception has been my good, good friend in Phoenix where I've spent the last two Christmases, and I do miss her and her family, who all treat me like I am an honorary member. But, like I said, I am not traveling this Christmas.

So along with the reds and greens of Christmas, there are a few blues. As I was walking to dinner, I was grateful for all of the loving, blessed Christmases I've had with my family over the years (just two with a husband, and we were with my parents both of those Christmases). The memories of all those years together mute the blues. I feel like even though my incredible parents are gone and I miss them down to my toes, I am in the light. And, it's not blue. Merry Christmas, everybody.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Beta HCG Diet - 30 Days After Round 1

Being on such a limited menu of foods for 40 days stretched me nearly beyond my limits of discipline. I've always had a way too emotional relationship with food and so to have to adjust my mindset and tastebuds to "eat to live" was challenging. I vow to climb out of my comfort zone in Round 2 and actually whip up some of the HCG-compliant recipes that I've found. Just making two of the salad dressings made a huge difference. Even if I didn't love them like I do that great, creamy ranch dressing, they made plain lettuce palatable. Not being able to mix vegetables is a killer but I stuck to the plan pretty much down to the letter. That's why I lost 25 pounds in 40 days.

Now that I'm past the three weeks post-HCG when I couldn't eat grains, sugars or starches, I'm finding that "maintenance" is almost more flexibility than I can handle. Actually, there's no "almost" about it. I am having a very tough time.

The sugar-saturated foods left over after my two "gorge" days mandated just before starting the HCG sat on my dining room table and in my freezer for the entire Round 1 of the diet and through the three weeks of no grains, sugars or starches. They didn't tempt me or bother me in the least. Ah, but practically the minute those restrictions were lifted, suddenly those foods -- fun-size Milky Ways, Godiva caramel chocolates, Haagen Dazs ice cream -- called my name. Loudly and often. I succumbed slowly at first but by late last week I was outright pigging out on them. Not as bad as pre-HCG but definitely in the range that would pack back on the pounds. Those temptations are gone now and I am not replacing them any time soon.

In the last week or so I've felt compelled to seek out many of the foods I couldn't have during Round 1. The melt-in-your-mouth bread at Longhorn. A burger at Red Robin. A Grand Slam at Denny's. Chicken fetuccini at Olive Garden. Cornbread at I-can't-remember-where. Saltines with my swiss cheese. Whole wheat toast with my over-easy eggs. I haven't gone back to Dannon coffee yogurt, my favorite favorite favorite, because I'm afraid I won't be able to stop.

So today I had an "apple day," as suggested on the HCG diet to get my body turned around again. (I can eat up to six apples but that's all. I ate four.) I do not want to gain back the weight I lost. We'll see if all of this week-long misbehaving and the subsequent apple day are enough to get those mad desires out of my system.

I've historically done well on the Atkins diet. It's satisfying and I like the foods I can eat. I've never liked enough of the fruits and veggies on the South Beach diet to consider that, even though I think it's healthier and more sensible than Atkins. I may revisit that.

All I know is that this is an exercise in re-examining my relationship with food and the accompanying feelings. I love sugar and the foods it's in. I LOVE it, always have. To break up with it would be like being married to a man I'm in love with and have great chemistry with but he's a raging alcoholic. I decide to end the relationship for my health and sanity but he keeps living in the house and I keep hoping he'll quit drinking. He doesn't. That's what it's like when I think about severing my relationship with sugar. I don't know if I can do it and I don't know if I can finally reach "moderation" with it. I never have been able to before.

So after my apple day, I plan to get back to the eating I want for my ongoing lifestyle. I truly want a different relationship with food. I don't want to be "on a diet" other than when I'm on Round 2 (and maybe Round 3) of the Beta HCG diet. I am very clear that I need to look at how I feel about food, how attached I am to food, especially certain foods. Today on the apple day, the little kid inside me kept whining and crying for food beyond apples. I wasn't physically hungry but the emotional side of me was in pain. I will look at all of that. Just not tonight. Stay tuned.


Thursday, December 01, 2011

Beta HCG Diet -- One Week After Round 1

My last day of eating 500 calories a day was the day before Thanksgiving. Since Thanksgiving, I've slowly been eating more, though still avoiding grains, sugars and starches. Yup, everything I used to live on.

The great news is that I haven't gained a pound since the last day of Round 1 of the Beta HCG Diet. The other great news is that I'm wearing clothes I had stuck way back in my closet. Losing 25 pounds on this body doesn't make a HUGE difference. Spitting in the ocean comes to mind. But it's a start and it is significant in that it's been quite awhile since I've lost any weight, let alone 25 pounds.

The bad news is... well, let's wait on that.

At first I was scared to eat anything beyond my skimpy portions of food that Round 1 required. For one thing, I wasn't hungry. Even now, a week later, when I can eat whenever I'm hungry, I often forget to eat and I never get ravenous. Today I had a small bowl of blueberries for breakfast, a piece of melba toast around 2:00 and seasoned, steamed shrimp and sesame-crusted rare tuna for dinner around 8:30. Since I am staying up late, I also had some string cheese dipped in a little hummus (ooooh, so good!) about 11:30 p.m. I missed veggies today but had some yesterday as well as some more fruit. Being able to have cheese again is bliss, and having cheese in eggs is super bliss. I've made an omelet nearly every day for a week. And I can eat the whole steak (Flo's Filet) at Longhorn. So great! So I'm delighted to be able to eat a much broader variety of foods and still not gain weight. I weigh every day and if/when I gain more than two pounds over my weight at the end of Round 1, I will have a "steak day" (just water until dinner and then a big steak, with an apple or tomato afterward) and supposedly that takes care of it.

Now for the bad news. My feet and ankles were swollen before going on HCG. They were badly swollen to the point where I completely gave up on wearing dresses, and I could find few shoes that fit me other than sandals of one sort or another. That's been the case for a good two or more years. Very discouraging to have elephant legs and feet. Cankles would be an upgrade. On the HCG diet, I got my feet and ankles back! I thought, "Hallelujia!" and thought it was because I was losing the weight. And I thought it was permanent. But...the minute the HCG was out of my system, even while I was still eating the 500 calories a day, the swelling came back. It is worse than ever! I want to stick a pin in each of my feet and let them deflate. Next week when I see the doctor I've been working with, I'll ask him what he thinks. But I'm sure not happy about that!

Also, the pain I suffered in my left knee (the one I've recently had arthroscopic surgery on) was intense for a couple of days and is somewhat challenging even now. Taking glucosamine and chondroitin seems to be helping. But that was a shock. I had zero pain after the surgery and was doing well while the HCG was surging through my system. Then nasty pain. I just hope it keeps backing off, and I am taking my vitamins faithfully to do my part.

The spectacular news is that I feel totally different about food. For the first time since probably 15 years ago when I went on the Atkins diet and gave up sweets, I have all of that crap out of my system and I don't crave it. I'd knock over old ladies for bread sometimes, but I've resisted it even when it's been on the table when I've been out with others. Mmmmm, that savory aroma of fresh, warm wheat bread in Longhorn was a little tough, and I have visions of Subway subs dancing in my head, but mostly that's about all I would kill for, and even that is only when it's in front of me or in a tv commercial. So I have hope that I truly am changing the way I eat. It's the only way this will work long term.

People tell me endlessly the odds of keeping the weight off. Nearly nil, they tell me. Not to torment me but I think to make me feel better if/when I gain it back. On this plan, gaining more than two pounds is not allowed and immediate action is prescribed, and I even have to travel with my scale to monitor it that closely. I can do that. I don't want to go back UP, that's for sure!

I know it's only been a week, but...so far, so good. Stay tuned!

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Beta HCG Diet -- Re-entry Day 1: Painful!

Before I went on this diet 41 days ago, my feet were both swollen. I hoped that losing weight would help that. After a few days on the diet, the swelling was completely gone in my left foot and nearly gone in my right. I was delighted!

Two weeks before I went on the diet, I'd had arthroscopic knee surgery. I'd had zero pain. Zero. Unbelievable but true. I was a bit stiff when I got up from sitting for a long time but did okay in physical therapy and afterward so I thought I was doing great.

Yesterday was the last day I had any HCG in my system, which is why I could go back to eating more foods today. Yesterday my feet started swelling again. You've gotta be f*%&ing kidding, I thought. It has to be the HCG because I was still eating the same restrictive way until today after noon.

Also today my left knee hurt so much that I actually took my cane with me when I went out. For all these weeks I took no glucosamine and chondroiten, no Celebrex, no ibuprophen, no aspirin. Nuthin'. So apparently the HCG was doing good things for my knee, too, because without it -- and with that being the only change -- today my knee hurt incredibly much, a lot more than after my surgery, when I also wasn't taking anything. Why????

All day today I've been terrified that if I ate I'd gain a bunch of weight. It's Thanksgiving so I went out to eat. Went to a diner, of all things, because their dinner was much cheaper than a high-tone restaurant and I could get it the way I wanted it. Namely I could get it without stuffing, homemade mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes and pumpkin pie. Those are all things I don't think I could pass up at somebody's house because they'd be on the table and other people would be scarfing them down and I'd be looking at them with that pathetic, feed-me look that dogs give you when they look up at you with those big brown pools of pleading eyes. In the diner, the guy next to me was having eggs and french toast. The people on the other side of me were finishing their meal so I didn't have to see their full plates.

I had turkey and put 2/3 of it in my little plastic bag to take home. I'd intended to take half but found I was only hungry for about 1/3. I also put my whole helping of string beans in a ratatouille-like sauce in another little plastic bag. Can I even eat string beans or are they considered starches? I ate the florets of my helping of broccoli, and that was enough. I had maybe a tablespoon of the gravy I'd asked for on the side, maybe just a teaspoon. Just enough to take the edge off of the dryness of the plain turkey. The salad I probably enjoyed more than anything -- what a joy to eat lettuce AND tomatoes AND a tiny bit of ranch dressing all at once. Not sure if the ranch dressing is in the "okay" column of foods but I'd forgotten my HCG-compliant dressing (which I'm not wild about -- too tangy) so I went with it. The only other thing I ate all day was one little Babybel disk, which was sooo good, as I drove home from the store.

It's nice not to feel stuffed after a Thanksgiving meal. Can't remember when that last happened. And I survived passing up stuffing and the other usual trimmings. Pie doesn't appeal to me. Whew, is that a change from the old me! All of it! I love this and pray that I can keep it this way.

There are still some hours to go before today is over. I may eat some more turkey, and I may have a slice of mozzarella cheese. I think I'll be quite happy with that. And I'll hold my breath until I get on the scale tomorrow morning. I pray I don't gain weight. Given the promises of this diet, I'll be quite upset and disillusioned if I do. Stay tuned.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Beta HCG Diet - Now I Know Why I've Been Stuck!

I feel like an idiot! I haven't dropped more than one pound in a week and only one more in the few days before that. I've been doing all the right things and I couldn't figure it out.

Then yesterday it occurred to me: I've been using a great lotion, an after-sun lotion, since my skin started getting so dry when fall turned more to winter. It's only been the last week and a half or so that I've been using it. Didn't give it a thought.

But it clearly states in the diet info NOT to use anything with oils in it. I've not taken Vitamin E. I've given up butter with my lobster and my veggies. I've avoided lotions, which wasn't an issue because I didn't need them until recently and by then I'd forgotten that lotions have oils in them (if you can believe that a person could forget that). So I slathered the stuff on liberally.

So that's why I've been stuck. Damn!

I can't help but feel that I've wasted the last week or more -- 7 to 10 days -- of my precious 40 days on this diet. Yes, I've lost somewhere between 21 and 26 pounds, depending on from which point I count. But I had a goal in my head of 30 pounds and I was well on my way to that before I started using the lotion. Boo!

So now I know for next time. This round is over as of today. Round 2 starts at least eight weeks from now.

I've been off of HCG for three days and NOT hungry! Tomorrow, when the HCG is supposedly all out of my system, I can go back to eating in a much less restricted way. No grains, sugars or starches for three weeks. I can handle that. But, oh joy, I'll be able to add in a hugely expanded list of foods, including more meats and veggies, plus cheeses, sauces (yay butter!), eggs (oh goodie!) and dairy. Wow. The world will feel like my oyster! (Though I can't stomach oysters.) I will be on basically a high-protein, low-carb eating plan. Somewhere between Atkins and South Beach. Considering I used to live on the Mickey D's plan, this will be great progress!

The plan calls for a "steak day" or an "apple day" if I gain more than two pounds, and I'm supposed to do it on the very day I exceed the two pounds. (Steak day is eating nothing til evening and then a big 'ole steak. Apple day is eating up to six apples, drinking minimal water, and that's it for all of one day.) My "set point" (where weight is set to stay despite daily variations in food types and amounts) is supposed to be recalibrated with this diet as long as I don't blow it in the next three weeks or gain more than two pounds, and I'm hoping and praying it is.

I never want to go back to lugging around those 20-plus extra pounds. In fact, my goal is to get rid of another 25-ish by March in Round 2. So I'm on it, one day at a time.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Beta HCG Diet - Round 1 Winding Down

By next Sunday I'll be eating eggs and cheese for the first time in a month and a half, and I couldn't be more excited! I'm down nearly 25 pounds and am thrilled to be wearing clothes I haven't been able to wear (or I looked like stuffed sausage in them) for literally years. Round 1 is almost over. Whew!

Up until a couple of weeks ago, I couldn't IMAGINE going on to Round 2 on this diet. It's tough to do, tough to keep to when you travel, and very tough to do if you don't cook worth a darn. I'm not a bad cook but I am not used to cooking the way you need to on this diet. The food I could have (a very limited list) just didn't taste very good to me and many times I just kind of choked down meals with my eyes squinted and my mouth curled up (and not in a smile). Many vegetables I liked going into this I really hope I never see again. At least not by themselves.

Gee, who would've thought I'd be excited to eat broccoli again, and cauliflower? Zero desire for diet soda, which I used to live on. No craving for sweets, which in itself is miraculous! And I'm determined not to screw it up after I'm off of this diet. I didn't go through all of this to go back to my old eating habits.

So now that I've kind of got this eating plan down pat, I've only got a few days to go. I wish I could stay on it for awhile longer. (What?!?!? Who said that?) But I'm following doctor's orders and going only for the prescribed number of days. There'll be a minimum of six weeks before I can go on to Round 2. And I have to say, I'm eager for it. My first 25 pounds get me started but I want to lose that many again in Round 2.

What made the difference in hating the foods vs. now when I'm comfortable with it? For one thing, I am just in the habit of it all. I know better how to judge 3.5 ounces of meat or fish. I know how to order food in restaurants that is compliant (or nearly so). I bring my own little baggies to take food home with me, and I can cut off the parts I can't eat until another meal, slip them into the baggies and not have them on the plate reminding me of what I can't have. I've made some diet-compliant salad dressings so I can have greens in restaurants. HUGE difference there! Today I had steak and salad for lunch in a restaurant with a friend and it was yummy! And it was a big steak -- 12 ounces precooked -- so I have more for additional meals. Ah, life is good.

One complaint: Old London, if you think we aren't noticing that you have reduced the size of your melba toast by about 1/4, you are wrong! Nasty thing to do. Same package, same little packet size, but I have some "old" ones and the new ones are NOTICEABLY smaller! Screw you, Old London!

So now I am looking ahead to next Sunday when I can eat a wider variety of foods. OMG, am I looking forward to it! I'm also terrified on gaining weight when I do but with still stepping on the scales every day, I will be able to kick in to correction mode if I gain two pounds. (I'll explain that someday if/when I have to do it, and no, it's nothing gross.) For three weeks, I can't have grains, sugars or starches, but I am so excited about being able to eat eggs, cheese, creams, sauces and more than one veggie at a time that I don't care. I admit to drooling over bread but I can wait another three weeks for that.

One of the advantages of this diet, which I really hope holds true for me, too, is that it's supposed to recalibrate my "setpoint," or the weight that is "normal" for me to be at pretty much all of the time despite eating ups and downs. Fingers crossed for that!

Thank you, my friends, pals and random readers, for your comments, cheers and prayers for me during this not-always-fun time of changing my life. I truly appreciate it.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Beta HCG -- Satisfaction, Surprisingly

After whining off and on about all of the savory foods I am missing as I go through this Beta HCG Diet, I realized something surprising tonight.

Here's what happened. I went to Applebees in search of dinner from my limited menu of allowable foods. I ordered a big ole steak, medium rare, and the vegetable medley (had to get the medley to get what I could eat), with a side order of grilled shrimp. I figured I could eat all of one-third of the steak and I'd take the rest of it plus the shrimp home for tomorrow and Sunday. I had been drooling over the yummy-looking chicken fetuccini, loaded cheeseburger with fries and other hearty meals as I perused the menu. I also watched the couple in the booth next to me chowing down on full plates and eating everything on them. They were laughing and enjoying their dinners and each other.

Then my food came. I ate my third of a steak and picked the zucchini out of the veggie medley. I took the annoying tails off of the shrimp but didn't take a bite or even lick my fingers. It didn't take me long to eat what I did and I had a lot of food left. It looked good and I could've eaten more; I wanted to eat more. But I knew what I was "allowed" and I stopped.

The waitress brought me two little boxes for my steak and shrimp. I have taken to bringing plastic sandwich bags and snack bags with me to restaurants and packing my leftovers into them before putting them into the take-out boxes. There's less spillage and the food stays more moist. (I've soaked the bottom of my purse and several things inside too many times when those little boxes have leaked. Yecccch!)

So after the food was no longer visible, I sat back and realized that I actually felt satisfied! I wasn't hungry. I felt satiated. I didn't need more or even particularly want more now that it wasn't right in front of me. I didn't feel stuffed as I have so often as I left restaurants. I felt good. I was surprised. Something to remember as I keep going on this journey. There's hope...!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Junk Food and Me: We're Separated, Not Divorced

Today was Day 27 for me on the Beta HCG Diet. I've lost 18 pounds. My clothes that had fit way too tightly now fit more like they're supposed to. And in general I feel so much better than I did 18 pounds ago. Every day is easier than the day before. I have another almost two weeks to go and then I slowly go back to eating food, just not the food I was eating before.

Last night I went to the grocery store -- hungry. Never a good idea but I knew I wouldn't buy any junk because I'm pretty immune right now to temptation. My behavior I can control. But my desires...well, that's a different story.

I longed for so many foods as I went around picking up what I needed. Crusty bread. Large, fluffy crackers. Colorful vegetable soup with fat noodles. Cheese of all varieties. Oh, for some cheese! I made it out okay, then went to dinner and was fine.

Then I came home and saw commercial after commercial on TV for things they make look so good. Pepperoni pizza with extra cheese. Sloppy, juicy cheeseburgers. A table filled with a huge, beautifully browned turkey and all the trimmings. Piping-hot Mexican food drowned in cheese and salsa. Plump, juicy hot dogs. I want it. I really want it. I want it all.

I've had a love affair with high-sugar food, high-fat food and plain old junk food probably since childhood. My mom and dad tried to get me to eat healthy food, or at least healthier food, but over the years I'd go up and down in terms of how in love I was with the poorer choices. Eventually we -- junk food and me -- got married. We've lived happily ever after for years and years. However, like many marriages, it looked good on the outside and the primal pleasures of it were good, but it was killing me. So now thanks to the Beta HCG Diet we're separated. But not divorced. Will we ever be? It's clear that the attraction is still there. I have the strength to stay away now, during the severely restrictive stage. But what about when I add foods back in to my daily diet? I have no faith in my ability to stay away.

Right now there are fun-size Milky Ways and outrageously rich Berger cookies on my dining room table, left over from my two required gorge days before the low-calorie restricted diet kicked in. I resist them every day. They don't call to me, or if they do, I don't hear them. I rarely even notice them. But that's because I'm committed to this diet for the WHOLE time I'm on it. But then what?

I don't want to reconcile with the food that I've loved and become addicted to while it was working behind the scenes to fatten me up and shorten my life. I don't want to reconcile with it but I also don't want to do without it. Well, for the moment I don't have to worry about imminent temptation. I still have 13 days to go on the low-calorie plan. 16 days, really, because I have to add them on until the HCG gets out of my system. Then another three weeks of no sugars and starches. Then I can add in one or two foods at a time. Maybe by then I'll be ready for the divorce. Stay tuned.

Sunday, November 06, 2011

Beta HCG Diet - I Got Nuthin'!

Traveling. Sitting in a big ballroom for 12 hours a day. Expensive food. Nothing tastes very good. Maybe that's because I've now got a cold. Ugh! I've got a sore throat and have been coughing, though not those disruptive, annoying coughs. The sore throat isn't like sharp knives like strep throat is. But it hurts nevertheless and it's hard to swallow. Sleep is a nightmare. Plus, with all of the water I drink on this diet, I wake up and head to the bathroom about every hour and a half or two hours. It isn't that bad during the day -- why so at night?

So, no energy thanks to the severe diet and the cold. Hurting and strained left knee that doesn't like to walk far or stand for any length of time. Brendon Burchard, who's leading this seminar, is big on standing and bouncing physical activities. I pass on a lot of them, both because my leg squeals when I do some of them and also because I just plain feel lousy. Because of those two factors, I find myself in curmudeon mode. "All right already! Enough. Sit the hell down, everybody," I think to myself (and I actually cleaned that up). I don't mean to be a Scrooge but I feel yukky and nearly everything and everyone annoys me. (Except my good friend who's here with me. She's a godsend.)

This diet was especially tough today and I suffered. It was almost like the first few days after the gorge days. I felt on the verge of nausea several times during the day, and, quite surprisingly, HUNGRY! I haven't been hungry much at all the past couple or so weeks, let alone for most of a day. Could it have to do with the plan being disrupted by the Hall's cough drops I take a few times a day? Sorry but otherwise I'd choke to death because sometimes the cough starts deep in my throat and I feel almost like I'll gag if I don't calm down my throat. And that's so much fun for the people around me. So I'm taking the cough drops because they soothe my throat and keep it from clenching. I've only taken two today -- how can they hurt?

So in light of all of the above, I didn't follow the damn diet to the letter today. I ate an extra melba toast. And I couldn't easily get any veggies for this evening's meal so I'm going with an extra fruit. But I figure if that's as far as I go away from this diet, I'm doing pretty well. I've never not used a lot of pills and fizzy tablets and Vicks when I've had a cold like this, so I should get some credit for ONLY taking cough drops. Right?

Oh, and by the way, I wore a knit top today that used to look quite u-g-l-y a month ago. I look smaller all around, I feel less whale-like, so I'm heartened by that. Yes, this is worth it.

All in all, though, tonight I feel like I've just got nuthin'. I couldn't wait til we were dismissed for the evening. I hobbled to my room, turned on the tv, snuggled under the covers and watched the last quarter of the LSU-Alabama game, plus overtime, quite an exciting game, actually. Now I hope to fall asleep soon and I am grateful for the extra hour of sleep granted to us tonight when Daylight Savings Time goes off. Maybe -- hopefully! -- tomorrow will be better.

Friday, November 04, 2011

Beta HCG Diet -- Staying On It While Traveling

In a hotel, no car, tied up from early morning to late night. How do I stay on this diet? I am without a scale to fulfill the requirement of weighing myself every day. It was too big to bring and the hotel doesn't have any to bring me. Well, at least I wangled a refrigerator out of them, which has made a huge difference.

Normally at these things, I worry all day about when they're going to let us out so we can eat. I have snacks in my purse to tide me over and they're only fresh in that they're not stale; it certainly isn't because it's "real" food. I OD on Diet Coke. And I have food in my room, always. But not here.

Several things are different. I'm not hungry, by and large. Thank you, Beta HCG, for that. I haven't had a Diet Coke for three weeks. The food in my purse is one piece of melba toast and an apple. I'm drinking water by the liter. I prefer sparkling water but with drizzles of fresh lemon juice I can drink nearly that much plain water too. I still get a little panicky over meal breaks but it's more about where I can get the food I can eat on this diet than it is about rushing to eat.

I got here Wednesday. I put frozen shrimp in my carry-on so I ate that in the Denver airport during my two-hour layover. And an apple. I brought several pieces of fruit with me -- three apples, three oranges and four lemons. And a box of melba toast. So the challenge is to find vegetables. A friend who's a Platinum-level hotel guest took me up to the concierge lounge at dinner time. They had a great spread! Unfortunately, the entree was turkey drowned in gravy and mashed potatoes. There were wonderful crackers and cheese squares. I don't remember what else. I just know I couldn't eat any of it. So my friend went with me to a restaurant in the hotel and I ordered grilled chicken, hold all the trimmings and sides, and sliced tomatoes.I stuck half of the chicken in my fridge for tomorrow. Only one vegetable yesterday instead of the two I was supposed to eat, but by and large in my mind I did great.

Today I bought a pre-packaged salad with chicken on top. I took all of the chicken out and gave the rest of the salad to my friend, who enjoyed it. Tonight my friend went back up to the concierge lounge but I didn't bother. I went to the high-end restaurant in the hotel and paid $40 for a ribeye steak, hold the trimmings and sides, and ordered steamed kale and sliced tomatoes. I asked the waiter how much the steak weighed before cooking and he said eight to nine ounces. I'd heard bad things about kale (similar to spinach) but had never tried it. It was pretty tasty, which made me think that they probably cooked it in something even though the waiter said it would be steamed. I'm not sure but I ate it all anyway because I was behind on my vegetables.

Interestingly, the very slim and attractive woman in the couple with me at dinner, who was eating normally, told me she had gone through several rounds of the Beta HCG diet and lost some and gained a bit of it back, but then it jolted her out of her previous habits and she lost 70 pounds! That was my intention too, to stop the madness of my crappy food addictions. She also said she lost a bunch of her hair, which definitely disturbed me. She said it is growing back but slowly. I'll have to ask Dr. DeWet about that.

A $40 steak is pretty outrageous. But for my $40 I have two more decent-size hunks of luscious ribeye steak for two meals and some tomatoes for my late-night snack tonight, fulfilling the two-veggie requirement. That isn't so bad. But those damn vegetables remain the biggest thorn in my side. We'll see how creative I can be for the rest of this trip. Stay tuned.

Wednesday, November 02, 2011

Beta HCG Diet - "It's Not Good For You!"

People who don't know much about the Beta HCG weight loss plan that I've been on for nearly three weeks fall into one of two camps. They either think it's not good for me and say so or they think it's not good for me and don't say so. I understand. I thought the same thing when I first encountered someone who was going on it, but that very same person by his own example, enthusiasm and recommendation of his holistic M.D. turned me around.

I know people mean well. The idea of living on 500 calories a day sounds like starvation and silliness. It sounds like I'll have such pent up cravings for the food I'm missing that the moment I'm off of it, I'll binge on everything in sight. It sounds like I'll gain all of the weight back when I go back to eating "normally."

Well, I urge you to read all of the information about the Beta HCG weight loss plan before you come to your final conclusion. As always, go to the experts, not to the naysayers and ignoramuses.

It turns out that a significant number of my friends and acquaintances have been on this plan and lost weight. They send me private tweets to tell me so, and Facebook direct messages so no one else sees. And who can blame them, with all of the flak they'd get if they went public? Every one of them says they lost weight, did well and gained back some but not nearly all of it. That's a better track record than most diets.

I've always been a proponent of changing one's lifestyle rather than going on a diet as such. Yeah, well, look where that got me. HUGE, that's where! I just don't have the discipline to conquer my food addictions without something drastic to jolt me out of them, and this diet certainly qualifies.

After it's over, it's not really over. In a support call with Dr. Pieter DeWet, to whom I'm going for this plan, I learned that basically these habits I'm developing go on and on. Then I'll be able to moderately add things food by food and do a "steak day" to get myself back on track if I gain more than two pounds.

Frankly, I don't know how I'm going to do after I get off of this diet. I'm suffering mightily with the vegetables and I long to be able to mix them instead of eating just one at a time. I also long to be able to dilute their "vegetable" taste somewhat with some kind of oil or butter or cheese. But I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. I can already feel that my tastes are changing. People can eat the kinds of desserts I used to kill for right in front of me and it doesn't bother me. That's a HUGE relief! I hope that persists. And I also hope I'll be able to exercise portion control, something I've never been good at. I just know I can't go back to my old normal. I have to create a new normal. One that's healthy and doable, both. THAT will be the challenge.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Beta HCG -- Hating Vegetables

Before this diet I liked onions and celery as long as they were cooked and not raw. I liked asparagus and zucchini. I could eat tomatoes even if I didn't love them. Now I wonder if I will ever eat any of those again after this diet ends. Every meal I dread the vegetables. I choke them down each time but I grimace when I do. Oh, for some butter to saute the onions in and some cheese to make asparagus tasty! Sigh.

I am only on Day 16 with 24 days to go. Then for another three weeks I can't eat starches or sugars. I know I will make it to the end because I am so determined. But I sure hope it gets easier.

Okay, part of my whining is probably due to the fact that I've only lost one half of one pound since Wednesday. I lost like my insides were melting until then and suddenly slammed into a big brick wall. So my total loss is 10-1/2 pounds. That actually may not be right; it may be more, depending on how you figure things. I had gained an additional 8 or 9 pounds just before my arthroscopic surgery about a month ago and lost it all just after my surgery. And two weeks after surgery I started this diet. So I've lost 10-1/2 on the diet but an additonal 9 pounds right before that. Could my body be adjusting to the nearly 20 pound loss or am I just temporarily stuck? Either way, I'll be glad when the scale starts sliding down again.

Tell me this will get easier!

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Beta HCG Diet -- I Miss Food!

This diet is going well. I'm doing everything according to the plan. I'm losing weight. I'm feeling thinner. (Hey, everything is relative.) I feel good about this whole program I'm on. Only one problem....

I miss food! I long for a Subway turkey and provolone sub. I want a big bite of a Red Robin Pub Burger, medium. I could resist their fries, which I seriously love, but the burger, cheese and bun...oh, big sigh! I'd love to wrap my mouth around a hunk of string cheese. I could sink my teeth into a big old salad with chicken, a mix of vegetables, hard boiled egg and a little dressing. I can't wait for when I can eat the whole Flo's Filet, medium rare, at Longhorn Steakhouse.

It's not that I want to go back to the way I was eating --I definitely do NOT! -- but I don't know where to draw the line or even if I can. I know I don't have to worry about it for another 27 days and I only have to handle one day at a time, but I'm scared of gaining the weight back. Statistics are on the side of gaining it all back plus more. I don't want to go through all of this only to gain it back. I think it's almost healthier to keep the weight on than to be yo-yoing

These are thoughts. I can have my thoughts, feelings, doubts and fears and still stick to my plan the whole 42 days. But I sure hope that in the next few days -- or certainly by the 42nd day -- I will feel differently about how I'll re-enter my normal life, whether I plan to go through another round or two of this diet. Yes, diet. Even though I want to think of it as a health program, right now I just see it as a damn diet! Wish me luck. And stay tuned....

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Beta HCG Diet -- Down 10 Pounds But Not Enjoying Food

Wow! I'm really down 10 pounds! I'm already fitting into pants I haven't been able to wear in awhile. I'm not hungry. I'm eating real food.

Only problem is...I'm not enjoying most of the food I'm eating. It tastes awful! Frozen lobster tail that tastes fishy. Leftover chicken from restaurants that was good the first time but tasteless when I eat it at home. Vegetables so dry, chewy or limp that I can hardly choke them down.

Well, at least the fruit is good. And the melba toast. I never particularly liked eating an apple by itself, found it did weird things to my stomach. Now I'm loving it and getting along fine with it. A whole orange seems like a lot of food. Strawberries are great, at least the ones I eat when they're first fresh, before I freeze them.

Tonight I went to Longhorn Steakhouse and had a filet. Well, half of one, the other half is now in my fridge for tomorrow. OMG, was it good! My vegetable was asparagus, naked, and it was edible, at least. Half of it is also in my fridge, as is a lobster tail that was the other item in my combo order. This lobster won't taste fishy!

Blah food won't make it into my lifestyle when I go off of HCG. If I truly want to change my lifestyle I can't go back to the way I was eating before. So I have to make the food I eat at home taste as good as what I get in a restaurant. Ha! Good luck with that. Or I have to go out more and take home doggie bags. Oooooh, expensive!

Well, thanks to Longhorn at least I know I have tasty food for the next two meals. And a friend who's a terrific cook lent me her George Forman grill so we'll see if that helps. Stay tuned....

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Strawberries Shouldn't Be This Tough!

To further demonstrate how totally undomestic I am, I am asking for help dealing with strawberries. Yes, strawberries. Fresh strawberries.

You'd think that wrangling fresh strawberries would be relatively easy. They're not complicated fruits. But they have me baffled.

So far in the week that I've been trying to have strawberries at the ready for my Beta HCG diet, I have ended up with strawberries that are so moldy I couldn't save many of them, frozen fresh strawberries that when they were defrosted were so mushy they were nearly liquid, and strawberries that I didn't wash until I got them out of the freezer but they then lost much of their red coating when I gently washed them with cold water and were much like lightly flavored ices when they started to defrost.

So what do I do? Buy fewer at a time so they don't go moldy? Or is there some secret to keeping them mold-free, mush-free and redskin jacketed? Help!

Beta HCG Diet -- Why I'm Doing This

Now that I've been on this diet -- or wellness plan, as I prefer to call it -- I can say emphatically that I am NOT having fun! Living on 500 calories a day is not easy, even if I'm not hungry as such. Thank you, Beta HCG, for that. But having to weigh and measure everything is a pain, though I am getting pretty good at eyeing things when I'm not near my letter scale. Finding things to eat is challenging, especially since I basically don't like either the food or the nakedness of it. The recipes I discovered last night on this site should help, but still...I like my food blended -- okay, covered up -- with other ingredients. I can eat food I am not wild about if it's "disguised" or folded in with other foods, and on this plan there's really none of that. Veggies with cheese and breadcrumbs are palatable. Naked veggies: not so much.

So why am I doing this? I don't want to live as I have for the past four years since I started dealing with first a bad hip and then a bad knee. I gained weight with each because it hurt to move from the bed to the bathroom, let alone walk around the block or get on an elliptical machine. My hip replacement two years ago was a godsend but not long after that my knee went crazy. For no apparent reason. No idea where that came from. So now that my knee is fixed, too, thanks to very successful arthroscopic surgery three weeks ago and wonderful physical therapists, I am ready to tackle the rest of my health. And that means not just losing the weight I have gained in four years -- probably about 25 pounds -- but also the several dozen pounds that I was already overweight. A daunting prospect.

It's not just about the weight. It's also the whole way I've been eating. As a bona fide addictive person, anything with sugar and carbs had me hooked. I knew it but was not able to do anything about it and was not ready to try. There's a tv commercial that shows two women on a split screen, one of whom continually chooses healthy foods and the other that chooses all of the bad foods. I was that latter one, absolutely. I didn't want to be that person anymore. I didn't want the health challenges. I didn't want the lifestyle of a FAT person. I didn't want to keep feeling sluggish and lethargic. I didn't want to keep having to wait for the handicapped stall in public bathrooms. I didn't want to keep struggling and moaning when I get in and out of my car. I didn't want to keep having to sit down after just a few minutes. I wanted to be free of all of that and to feel normal again.

So that's why I am cutting up celery, which I hate raw, and cooking it with extra lean ground beef, with chili con carne spices and forcing it down. I love those two things in spaghetti sauce (I know -- celery is not common in spaghetti sauce but I like it) but that's not on the plan for now. And that's why I am stopping at 3.5 oz. of protein twice a day. And that's why I'm drinking so much water that I'm up peeing 3-5 times a night. That's why I will keep on this plan for the next several weeks. Because I think it will pay off in long-term and short-term ways.

Then there's the vanity factor. And the shame factor. Two sides of the same coin. The prospect of running into people who knew me years ago, even a few years ago but especially many years ago, is downright frightening. A few years (and pounds) ago, I saw an old boyfriend at an airport where I had a brief layover. I spotted him from a distance and I had plenty of time if I'd wanted to go talk to hiim. But I was so ashamed of the weight I'd gained, especially since the last time he'd seen me I was at my very thinnest as an adult, that I turned around and walked the other way. A few pounds are one thing; over 100 make it a whole 'nuther thing. I want to be able to walk up to anyone from any time in my life and joyfully say hi. Ah, vanity.

My clothes already fit better. My cravings are going...going...not quite gone. The smell of freshly baked bread when they bring it to the table in Longhorn Steakhouse still gets to me, even though I don't have an irresistible desire to reach out, rip off a hunk and sink my teeth into it. I'll be thrilled when I can have cheese again, especially in and on things. And I have a new appreciation of sauces and I long for them, even tomato-based ones that I used to stick my nose up at in favor of the creamier ones. Okay, I'm not going to keep going down that road. Just suffice it to say that even after a week, I feel confident that I am no longer hooked on sugars and starches. That can only lead to good things.

So I'm in this for the (relatively) long run, though I'm dealing with it all one day at a time, one meal at a time and sometimes one minute at a time. They all add up.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Beta HCG - Ugly Food Day

Yesterday -- Friday -- was a disaster in many ways. I had physical therapy early and forgot to take my HCG spray with me. PT was torture. I barely labored through it. Discouraging since I'd been doing the exercises with a lot more vigor earlier. But I made it.

Then I went to the grocery store, came home just long enough to drop everything off, then had to leave for a meeting. I had time to eat half an orange, the first half of which I ate before PT. On the way to the meeting I ate my first of two allowed pieces of melba toast. The meeting was at 1:00, over at 2:00, so I figured I would use my $10-off coupon at Ruby Tuesday afterward and take home the extras. They make good tilapia and they were willing to eliminate the oils and sauces in that and zucchini when I was there on my first diet day, so I was looking forward to a nice, long, leisurely late lunch with delicious food.

'Twas not to be. And I was in such a rush in my few minutes at home that it didn't even occur to me to spray or to stick it in my purse. Not good.

The meeting went 45 minutes longer than anticipated and then I accepted an invitation to go to lunch at a nearby cafe. I was in one of those super prickly low-blood-sugar modes where I want to kill something large and furry. I knew it was chemical but it was all I could do to sit there patiently pretending to be a sane person while they prepared everything for us. Our waitress brought my two compatriots' plates one at a time and then stopped to talk to the manager, who was sitting at the table next to us. And kept talking. I could see my plate sitting there waiting to be picked up, and after a few minutes (probably in reality maybe two or three) I blurted out pretty loudly, "Hello! Can I get my food too?!?!" I was clearly annoyed. Then when she brought my plain chicken, it had some kind of gooey sauce all over it. I was totally exasperated and fortunately the manager came to my rescue. She whisked the plate away and a couple of minutes later I had my plain chicken, which was actually not bad. But by that time it was 3:15 and with no HCG and no food to speak of, I knew I needed to get home to my HCG.

I still had another stop to make, to get the battery replaced in my watch. I didn't get back home until 5:00. Headed right for the HCG.

We had an autumn "do" with lots of yummy food at the complex where I live and I figured there would be nothing I could eat so I took my lemon water with me and an apple. Sure enough, all I could eat were veggies in salad but everything was coated in oil so I was content with my apple. Passing up dessert didn't phase me. I only truly mourned not being able to eat the meatballs, which are always scrumptious. Headed back upstairs about 8:30, was absolutely starving -- my body, not my mouth -- and didn't want to take time to cook anything. Since I'd planned on going to Ruby Tuesday, I didn't have anything thawed except for "extras" of shrimp (1.1 oz.), frozen lobster (1.4 oz.) and I cut off another little piece of the leftover chicken to make the 3.5 oz. of protein I could have. I'm not sure you can mix the protein, since they say only to have one veggie at a meal and not mix them, but that's what I had so I went with it. The shrimp was good. It was the last of it or I would have had more. The lobster was AWFUL! I love lobster in restaurants, prefer it with butter but can do without. It's never tasted fishy. This frozen-but-defrosted lobster tail (little pieces) was fishy and I could barely choke it down. Even the leftover chicken -- cold -- was pretty grim. I sliced a tomato and even that was hard to get down. Boy, that was the least fun dinner I've had in a long time. The melba toast I had to top it off was the only saving grace. Who knew that melba toast would be such a treat?

Today is a new day. And I'm definitely headed to Ruby Tuesday for a GOOD meal! Oh, and by the way, I'm down a total of six pounds!

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Beta HCG - Down Another 2 Pounds

A week ago today was my #1 gorge day. Friday was #2 gorge day per the Beta HCG diet. Gained 5 pounds on those two days, lost them in 48 hours. From back to my original weight, I'm down five pounds total. Down two from yesterday to today. I even weighed myself twice a couple of hours apart -- same thing. My jeans actually were a little loose today, though I'm sure another good washing in hot water will make them fit just fine again.

So far I've stuck to the plan. Nearly perfectly. The "nearly" part came last night when I couldn't bring myself to eat leftover asparagus (which I'd already had some of at lunch) or a tomato or half an onion,which were all the veggies I had. So I skipped the veggie and had a few strawberries a while after dinner instead, even after already having my 2-fruit allotment for the day. I won't make a habit of it.

I had to laugh at myself. I'm so NOT domestic! I bought one of those plastic juicers. (I get the juice of one lemon each day). I went to wash it but couldn't get the plastic part apart from the glass bottom part that holds the juice. I pulled and pulled, tried to pop it with my fingernail. Nothing. While it was in the sudsy water, I accidentally twisted the top and it came right off. Duh....

My energy level is still low but the headache is gone, the nausea is gone, my aches and stiffness were better today, and my head is clearer. Progress! Stay tuned....

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Beta HCG - Achey Breaky Day

The good news is that I'm down a total of 3 net pounds since Monday morning. Yay!

The other good news is that the headache I had yesterday and the day before has subsided.

And the last good news is that I was able to get a bunch of my questions answered by my doctor, Dr. Pieter DeWet, last night on a support call he holds every Tuesday night. The best news from that is that I get to drink flavored coffee -- Dunkin Donuts french vanilla! -- as long as the flavor comes from the beans and not the syrup they put in in the store. I have DD french vanilla in my freezer and I'm thrilled that I can indulge in that, especially since I can only have 1 T of milk a day.

The not-so-great news is that I have been achey all day. Physical therapy this morning (for my knee after arthroscopic surgery) was more difficult and painful than usual. Even some of the exercises that I'd been doing relatively easily and pain-free were suddenly not so doable. What's that about? The weather changing from sunny and dry to rainy/drizzly? I doubt it. Dr. D said I can't have ibuprofen or Celebrex anymore, one or the other of which I've been taking pretty much every day for quite awhile.Dr. D said not only can they be tough on the kidneys and liver, they can also further harm the joints, and I definitely don't want any of that! I've been off of all that stuff for a couple of weeks, as well as glucosamine and chondroitin, per the instructions of the HCG diet, but I sure don't like this aching and stiffness. I'm looking into a homeopathic or herb solution....

I ran an errand after PT and then gratefully drove home, cooked up some hamburger (extra lean, of course) with salt, pepper and chili seasonings along with leftover asparagus from dinner out last night and ate a very unsatisfying lunch. Talk about blah taste! (I need to learn how to cook stuff without sauces and oils.) Then I eased myself under the covers and took a great nap.

Last night was a taste treat. My dinner pals and I went to Longhorn Steakhouse and that 3.5 ounces of filet minon were fabulous. The other 3.5 ounces are in my fridge now and I will probably eat it cold tonight because I can't figure out how to warm it up without cooking it, and it 's perfect at the medium rare that Longhorn delivered it to me at.

This change stuff is a challenge. I was so comfortable eating the way I was, even if it was sending me on my way to an earlier grave. I am eating totally differently now -- totally! So it'll take me awhile to make the switch and get good at it. I just wish I could stop aching and get some real energy in the process. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

HCG - Day 5 - My First Pounds Lost!

OK, so I've not blogged the past two days. Sunday I just didn't feel like it. I was watching NFL football and the Indy race and when Dan Wheldon got killed, I lost my heart for writing about dieting. And yesterday I was running around all day, first to physical therapy (2-1/2 weeks after arthroscopic knee surgery) and then to my surgeon, who's quite happy with my progress.

Yesterday was the first day I've actually felt good in quite awhile. Driving to my surgeon's office, I had this wonderful peaceful feeling. Oh, I'd love to bottle that up and sprinkle it over myself and others at will. Peace is better than euphoria, IMHO.

Progress on the Beta HCG weight loss program: I am going to start calling it a health program rather than a weight loss program because my ultimate goal is -- and I think the ultimate result will be -- much better health. The first few days haven't been easy. My stomach is still hungry some of the time; it rumbles at times. I don't crave anything, but boy the foods I eat, especially the protein (especially shrimp!) and Melba Toast, sure taste good! The veggies? Tomatoes, which are the easiest veggie to work with, just aren't that appealing to me. Yesterday I had a mild headache all day and today it's more intense. Ugh! I still have moments of nausea, too. The other night I said in my head, "F*ck this! It's not worth it." But thinkin' ain't doin' and I knew I'd stick with it. And I have.

It took 48 hours to lose the 5 pounds I gained on my "gorge" days, so by yesterday morning I was back to where I started. Today I'm down 2-1/2 pounds! My first loss! I am quite excited because it's been way too long since the scale actually was going in the downward direction. I can see why they tell you to weigh yourself at the same time every day, upon waking and after peeing. After drinking 2 huge glasses of water, the scale showed that my 2-1/2 pounds were back. OK, so I was curious. I know I'll be down again tomorrow morning and nearly every morning after that, other than plateaus.

Having real food around is much more challenging than the artificial and/or packaged food I lived on before. I'm not used to having food around that spoils or gets moldy. Strawberries and tomatoes get moldy. Meats spoil. I've got all kinds of real food now, much of which I stuck in the freezer until I'm ready for it.

I am getting used to the mechanics of the plan, i.e., weighing the meat and fish on my letter scale. I now know what 3.5 ounces of shrimp and beef look like. Tonight I'm going to Longhorn Steakhouse with my usual Tuesday dinner pals and I'm ordering the 7-ounce filet (Flo's filet) and I'll bring half of it home. I get two pieces of Melba Toast a day, and as I told my HCG mentor, John Martin, yesterday when he called to check up on me since I hadn't blogged for two days, that Melba Toast tastes so good that I can say with certainty that if I drop a crumb on the floor, I'd definitely pick it up and eat it. So I'm keeping my floors exceptionally clean. Stay tuned....

Saturday, October 15, 2011

HCG "Diet" Day 1 - This Has Got to Get Easier!

After two uncomfortable days of eating way more than I ever have in that time to fulfill the requirements of the Beta HCG plan, today was Day 1 of the "diet" part. And it was rough!

I was hungry, for one thing. My mouth wasn't hungry but my stomach was. I wasn't hungry for anything and food didn't really appeal to me all that much. (I saw a tv commercial for Pizza Hut and it didn't do anything for me.) But my stomach was rumbling off and on all day. I can live with that, knowing it won't be that way probably beyond tomorrow.

Then there was the drinking-water thing. Not just water. Can also be black coffee, tea and sparkling water. The only sweetener can be Stevia or Saccharin. Where do you even find Saccharin these days? What about Splenda? And Aspartame? I like diet colas. I like flavored water, like Fruit2O. I like diet cranberry-grape juice mixed with white grape sparkling water, both artifically sweetened but not with Stevia or Saccharin. I am not wild about plain water. I load up my coffee with whole milk or half-and-half. And I loathe tea other than tea that is disguised as something else. But I'm supposed to be drinking a minimum of two liters a day of the stuff I don't like. Two liters? OMG!

OK, so I went to the store and bought plain filtered water and plain sparkling water. I can have the juice of one lemon a day. Well, that'll certainly help.

So I did everything I was supposed to do today and didn't do anything I wasn't supposed to, at least I think so. And I felt pretty rotten. Lightheaded all day. Not dizzy but a degree or two this side of dizzy. And I felt nauseous all afternoon. And of course I had to pee every little while.

I am willing to go through this on the first day. After all, I'm completely changing the way I eat. I will put up with it for another day or two if necessary, but by then I should be adjusted to my new regime. By then if I'm not, I can call the doctor's office and see what they suggest.

So Day 1 is almost over and I survived it. I am glad it's Saturday. I gave myself permission to do whatever I wanted today, including nothing -- other than go to the grocery store to get what is on the "approved" list. I watched all of the episodes of the Rosie show on OWN all afternoon when I was feeling so lightheaded, and laughing did me good. Tonight I have a NASCAR race to distract me. I will go to bed as soon as it's over.

And then tomorrow will be Day 2. And I will be one day closer to the new, improved me.

HCG Diet - 'Gorge' Days Finito!

Thank heavens these two days of "gorging" are done. I've had my last heavily buttered piece of toast. My last creme-filled donut. My last bacon cheeseburger. My last french fries. My last Baskin-Robbins Pralines 'n Cream -- that one I may actually miss. But for right now, I am relieved that these two days are done. I am going to bed now and when I wake up, I will be on a whole new program. More about that tomorrow.

Overeating, while not easy the last two days, has been familiar. Just not to this degree. I am used to eating sugary foods, fatty foods, lots of proteins AND carbs. I am used to eating a lot. I didn't get to this point "because I grew older and it doesn't come off as fast as it used to." I can't blame it on menopause. I can't blame it on anything. I earned every pound. I love food and I have used food for comfort, for escape from discomfort and for celebration -- and actually for anything in between. I have turned to food much like an alcoholic turns to alcohol, i.e., when a non-addict wouldn't think of eating, it's the first thing I think of to handle other elements of my life besides nourishment to live. I know I'm not alone in that....

So now I step into change. I need to change. The problem is that I don't want to go through the act of changing. I just want to wake up...changed! Doesn't work that way, I know. I'll be going through each step, regardless of what my attitude is.

I actually am feeling all kinds of things now. I'm excited. I'm scared. I'm dreading it. I'm thrilled by it. Most of all, I'm determined. I figure I can do anything for 40 days -- one day at a time, one hour at a time, one meal at a time, one moment at a time, if necessary.

Last time I lost a couple of dozen pounds, I remember going through the phenomenon of re-experiencing the memories and emotions of what was going on when I gained those pounds. It was quite eerie and unsettling. I wonder if anyone else has experienced that. Well, this time I will be losing a lot more than a couple of dozen pounds -- do you hear that determination? -- and I could be in for quite a roller coaster ride. But that's okay; I have my seat belt fastened.

Friday, October 14, 2011

HCG Weight Loss Plan - Gorge Day #2

Wow! Having to "gorge" for two days is brutal. Who knew?

Psychologically, I think this is good. I don't want to see another chocolate anything, another sweet anything, another fatty anything any time soon. On my worst binge day in my life, and I've had a few over the years, I never ate like I've eaten the last two days. Instructions are to "eat to capacity" the whole time for two days. That ain't easy. I've tried to eat what I normally love and save for treats but mostly I've had to force myself to eat all of it. The only thing I've actually enjoyed is my one-scoop ice cream cone of Baskin-Robbins' Pralines 'n Cream. I may have to top off my day today with another one. It will be the last one I'll have for a long, long time, maybe ever.

Last night I went to sleep about 1:15 a.m. and I got up several times but basically slept for about 10 hours. I'm used to closer to six hours of sleep a night. Believe it or not, I actually felt guilty when I finally dragged myself to the shower because I hadn't been eating for all those hours, other than a donut at 7 a.m. before I went back to bed. I felt half lethargic, half sick.

If I were reading this about anyone else, I'd say, "This is crazy. Why are you doing it?" Well, I've committed to this Beta HCG Weight Loss Plan, and this is part of it, so I will stick to the plan and reserve judgement for another week or so. I'll link to the site of the doctor whose plan I'm following after I have made my own determination of what I think of the plan. I am optimistic or else I wouldn't have committed to it.

When I lived in Manhattan, I went to the Atkins clinic and Dr. Atkins was my doctor. This was just before he was widely vindicated for his low-carb lifestyle plan. So I'm not intimidated or put off by the controversial or unconventional. I did well on the low-carb plan, by the way. The HCG plan is low-carb, too, just more extreme.

I know that the way I've been eating for many years is not good for my long-term health. It's also made me not just fat but obese. Not just obese but morbidly obese. The Bariatric Surgery Center of Highland Hospital, an affiliate of the Rochester Medical Center says, "An individual is considered morbidly obese if he or she is 100 pounds over his/her ideal body weight, has a BMI of 40 or more, or 35 or more and experiencing obesity-related health conditions, such as high blood pressure or diabetes." Yep, I qualify.

Like the frog in the water that doesn't feel the water slowly rise to a boil because it's so gradual, I can't imagine how I got this way. But I did. I can't imagine how horrified people who knew me 100 pounds ago would be if they could see me now. I've hidden out for many years, avoiding cameras, avoiding people I haven't seen for years, avoiding the truth about my weight. But now that I've gone through a hip replacement -- two years ago -- and arthroscopic knee surgery just two weeks ago, I am ready to tackle my weight and long-term health. Hence, this weight loss plan. Tomorrow it starts for real. And I am ready!

Maybe I'll get the video camera out that I've had for nearly two years and kept new in the box. Maybe I'll try doing a little video diary. If I do, I want to start it right away. I want to show the "before" and hope it's very different from an eventual "after."

Thursday, October 13, 2011

HCG Weight Loss Plan - Day 1 Noon

So, today and tomorrow are supposed to be "gorge" days. I'm supposed to be eating as much high-fat food as possible. Over the top. Truly gorging.

Surprisingly -- though I'd been warned this would be the case -- I'm not having a good time.

I had toast with lots of butter plus my favorite Dannon coffee yogurt for breakfast. Leftover pizza and Godiva chocolate for lunch. I'm supposed to keep eating now and I just don't want to. But I will. Maybe some more chocolate. In an hour or so I'll forage for something else. I stocked up on ice cream -- and not the low-fat kind -- and friends have brought over plenty of Godiva chocolate. Maybe I'll go get some scrumptious Red Robin french fries later. Gee, normally I'd be thrilled to eat all of this forbidden food. But now I just feel overly full and I have hardly begun to get through this very strange assignment.

More later....

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Beta HCG Eve

I'm taking the plunge. Tomorrow I start the Beta HCG weight loss program.

This is not the usual "diet." It's sure to be controversial. When I first heard about it, I thought, "You're kidding! That's crazy! And harmful!" But since then I've read a lot about it, talked to someone that has had great results with it, and I figure it couldn't be worse than what I've already been doing to my body with the way I've been eating.

So here goes.

Tomorrow and Friday what I'm supposed to do is eat as much food as possible, especially high-fat foods. They call it force feeding. They suggest including ice cream, pork, bread with lots of butter, milk chocolate and peanut butter. And I start taking the HCG spray plus some supplements that come with the program.

I am not really looking forward to these two gorge days. Lord knows I've had many gorge days, though not to this extent, but I don't know how my body is going to react to deliberate overloading two days in a row. They say it's important and not to skimp, so I'll do it. Then Saturday the serious restrictions begin. I don't really want to talk about any of it ahead of time. But stay tuned.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Contemplating Beta HCG Diet

A year ago or more, I threatened in this very blog to attack my weight/health issues. Hasn't happened. But I'm here to say that it will, this week.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to start the Beta HCG diet, supervised by a doctor. It's radical. I am in the mood for radical because Lord knows, "cutting back," "moderation," counting points, cutting out sugar and other tactics haven't done much for me. (Or should I say, I haven't done much with them.)

Right now I'm reading the material that my holistic doctor sent me along with the spray HCG. I've gone through the material once and will do so again another couple of times to familiarize myself with the rules of the HCG road. I'm also going to research it on the always-reliable web. Someone I know and will be working with has had terrific luck (results, not luck) with the HCG diet, and he's my layperson guide and a key part of my support system through this process, should I choose to go through with it, and I think I probably will. If/when I do, I'll try to report in here every day or two.

Stay tuned....

Sunday, February 20, 2011

NASCAR's Back!

...and all is right with the world!