Beta HCG Diet - 30 Days After Round 1

Being on such a limited menu of foods for 40 days stretched me nearly beyond my limits of discipline. I've always had a way too emotional relationship with food and so to have to adjust my mindset and tastebuds to "eat to live" was challenging. I vow to climb out of my comfort zone in Round 2 and actually whip up some of the HCG-compliant recipes that I've found. Just making two of the salad dressings made a huge difference. Even if I didn't love them like I do that great, creamy ranch dressing, they made plain lettuce palatable. Not being able to mix vegetables is a killer but I stuck to the plan pretty much down to the letter. That's why I lost 25 pounds in 40 days.

Now that I'm past the three weeks post-HCG when I couldn't eat grains, sugars or starches, I'm finding that "maintenance" is almost more flexibility than I can handle. Actually, there's no "almost" about it. I am having a very tough time.

The sugar-saturated foods left over after my two "gorge" days mandated just before starting the HCG sat on my dining room table and in my freezer for the entire Round 1 of the diet and through the three weeks of no grains, sugars or starches. They didn't tempt me or bother me in the least. Ah, but practically the minute those restrictions were lifted, suddenly those foods -- fun-size Milky Ways, Godiva caramel chocolates, Haagen Dazs ice cream -- called my name. Loudly and often. I succumbed slowly at first but by late last week I was outright pigging out on them. Not as bad as pre-HCG but definitely in the range that would pack back on the pounds. Those temptations are gone now and I am not replacing them any time soon.

In the last week or so I've felt compelled to seek out many of the foods I couldn't have during Round 1. The melt-in-your-mouth bread at Longhorn. A burger at Red Robin. A Grand Slam at Denny's. Chicken fetuccini at Olive Garden. Cornbread at I-can't-remember-where. Saltines with my swiss cheese. Whole wheat toast with my over-easy eggs. I haven't gone back to Dannon coffee yogurt, my favorite favorite favorite, because I'm afraid I won't be able to stop.

So today I had an "apple day," as suggested on the HCG diet to get my body turned around again. (I can eat up to six apples but that's all. I ate four.) I do not want to gain back the weight I lost. We'll see if all of this week-long misbehaving and the subsequent apple day are enough to get those mad desires out of my system.

I've historically done well on the Atkins diet. It's satisfying and I like the foods I can eat. I've never liked enough of the fruits and veggies on the South Beach diet to consider that, even though I think it's healthier and more sensible than Atkins. I may revisit that.

All I know is that this is an exercise in re-examining my relationship with food and the accompanying feelings. I love sugar and the foods it's in. I LOVE it, always have. To break up with it would be like being married to a man I'm in love with and have great chemistry with but he's a raging alcoholic. I decide to end the relationship for my health and sanity but he keeps living in the house and I keep hoping he'll quit drinking. He doesn't. That's what it's like when I think about severing my relationship with sugar. I don't know if I can do it and I don't know if I can finally reach "moderation" with it. I never have been able to before.

So after my apple day, I plan to get back to the eating I want for my ongoing lifestyle. I truly want a different relationship with food. I don't want to be "on a diet" other than when I'm on Round 2 (and maybe Round 3) of the Beta HCG diet. I am very clear that I need to look at how I feel about food, how attached I am to food, especially certain foods. Today on the apple day, the little kid inside me kept whining and crying for food beyond apples. I wasn't physically hungry but the emotional side of me was in pain. I will look at all of that. Just not tonight. Stay tuned.