Neoteny -- The Excitement of Newness

I rarely think back on the times when I first was in the business world and wasn't of sufficient stature to go to industry trade group events or have my company pay for membership in them. I paid for them myself, they were so important to me, despite the fact that I was making peanuts. I was a little networker even back then. I was excited to go to those lunches and dinners then, an enthusiasm I didn't always have later as they became more obligatory. In fact, I downright dreaded some of them, the very same types of events I was so pumped to attend when the business world was so new to me.

This came to mind this morning when my good professional friend, longtime construction professional Bob Nilsson, sent me a note about the Urban Land Institute (ULI) in Orlando, Florida, inviting to their meetings an inspiring young man, Jason Scott, an Iraq war vet who ended up an amputee at Walter Reed, where you can find Bob two or three days a week, talking to the amputees and their families, making things happen and solving problems behind the scenes. Jason, a Chicago boy who's now enrolled in the MBA program at the University of Florida, is the first recipient of the ULI Second Chance Scholarship founded by Nilsson, an impressive scholarship that pays the difference between what the GI Bill pays for and what the real expenses are as amputee vets go to school. The idea is to encourage these kids (though Jason is now 31, so he's not a kid anymore) (but to me at this point, geez, nearly everybody is a kid) to go into real estate or construction as a career. However, there is no requirement that the recipients commit to any specific career. But if paying for one's expenses isn't encouragement to go into the career where the stipend comes from, I don't know what is. (You can read my story about this in Engineering News-Record [ENR]. Unfortunately, it'll cost you $4.95 unless you're an ENR subscriber.)

So Bob's note brought to mind the whole idea of the excitement of newness. I think that's what ADD is all about, not landing anywhere too long, even mentally.

I remember once when a married professional friend of mine, a loving and faithful husband, had a few too many drinks and propositioned me. I was astonished. I said to him, "We're friends and you are crazy about your wife. Why would you ask me that?" He said, "Because I trust you, I know I'm safe with you, and I just want someone who isn't my wife." I said no, by the way. I was only married once, for all of two years, and I've never, ever experienced that kind of boredom with a partner, but I wonder how longtime married couples keep the excitement in their marriages...or if they just kind of give up on that.

It's tough to keep an attitude of neoteny about life, especially the more mundane or repetitive aspects. Merriam-Webster defines neoteny as "retention of some larval or immature characters in adulthood." But I use it as a consultant for Disney I knew years ago used the term. He defined it as a childlike attitude of wonder and excitement about life.

There aren't a lot of little kids in my life, but occasionally I get to see the world through their eyes as everything is new to them. When I lived in Manhattan, one day I was riding the subway. It was cheek-to-cheek packed, and it was bumpy as the fast-moving express train tore through the tunnel. I was one of the dozens standing, as all of the seats were taken. We were all swaying and jerking as we rode, hanging on tightly to the metal straps or the poles as we rode. The car was quiet, a phenomenon that often happens in New York commuter trains and subway cars, even when they are full. I was just thinking about how uncomfortable this ride was, how I hated having to stand again and how hard it was to stay upright and dignified...when suddenly a little girl holding on to the same pole looked up at her mother and exclaimed excitedly, "Mommy, isn't this fun!?" The mood in the whole car changed from dour and barely tolerant to happy, chatty and light.

The other night, late, the power went off on our block. The lights went out, the tv went dark, the refrigerator went quiet, the neighborhood went still. How long would it last? I wondered. Would my frozen food melt, my milk go warm? Would vandalism start? (Hey, it was late and dark!) In about 15 minutes, everything came back on and guess what wasn't so old-hat anymore. I even had a related burst of appreciation for running water. Ha! But even a day later, I didn't give water or power another thought.

It's all in how you look at it. It's so easy to let things get old for us, including things that used to thrill us. Those are usually the things that, if they were taken away from us, we'd roll over our grandmothers to get back.

Rather Sticky: Dan Rather Sues CBS in the Interest of "Freedom of the Press"

Longtime news anchor Dan Rather is suing CBS for $70 million, alleging he was forced to step down as the network succombed to outside pressure after a "60 Minutes" story ran in 2004 questioning President Bush's service record. Rather said in an interview with Larry King on CNN, "You can't have freedom of the press if you're going to have large, big corporations and big government intruding and intimidating in newsrooms. The chilling effect on investigative reporting is going to be something we don't want to see."

Good for him!!

I've been a journalist since 1984, working either freelance or on staff for a daily newspaper, a monthly general-interest magazine, two monthly business magazines, a weekly business newspaper, three weekly trade magazines and two business Web sites. I can attest that there can be a nasty level of pressure and sometimes downright interference from corporations, politicians, unions, associations and other organizations to not make them look bad.

Some examples, some of which involved me, some of which involved colleagues:

* One publisher pulled a cover photo right before it went to press because the cover photo included a prop that happened to be a brand that competed with a major advertiser.

* Many more than one editor has called a reporter on the carpet for not including a major advertiser in a round-up article, or for writing something that made a major advertiser look bad. In one case, the reporter deliberately did not include what was said about that advertiser because all comments were negative and he didn't think they were particularly justified, but the editor, even after hearing that, lambasted him anyway.

* I once wrote a story about a company that had done illegal things, gotten kicked off of a government project and banned from doing business with that government entity. The CEO deliberately lied to me -- I asked certain questions every conceivable way, knowing the answer, and he denied, denied, denied -- but I had all of my facts confirmed from the right sources. He said to me, "You're going to hurt my business if you write about this!" I told him I was reporting on what had happened on a government contract, which was public information. After the story ran, the CEO called my editor and complained and, unbeknownst to me, got my editor to agree not to have me cover his company after that.

Probably a year and a half later, that CEO and I were at the same conference, went into the bar at the hotel where the conference was, I let him vent, I told him my side of things, we hugged and made up and we've been pals ever since. (His business is now thriving, by the way.) He's the one who told me that he'd asked my editor to take me off of covering his company, which my editor had subtly done. I thought that was pretty skeevy on the part of my editor, who usually stood up for his reporters. So much for taking a stand for the truth.

Should subjects be able to dictate who in the media covers them? No way! Barry Manilow was scheduled to appear on "The View" last week, but requested that anyone but co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck interview him. "View" producers refused and Manilow did not appear. Whether it was his idea to cancel or theirs, I like the idea that someone couldn't dictate who interviewed him. (And I do like Barry Manilow.)

And don't even get me started on news organizations paying sources for interviews, a la Paris Hilton recently when she got out of jail. I was delighted when the sordid pay-to-play offer that NBC allegedly made to Hilton came to light, which an embarrassed NBC denied...sort of. ABC also supposedly made an offer but both networks ended up passing, no doubt to try to salvage their reputations, as it's a huge, HUGE no-no for legitimate news organizations to pay for interviews. No doubt that's eroding too. It's coming out that "certain fees" are negotiated at times to pay for certain expenses the subjects may incur. Geez.

On the positive side, one of my editors wrote a rather critical cover story about our biggest advertiser, knowing that their annual advertising contract was up for renewal the next month. To their credit, the advertiser renewed.

It's not unusual for publications to give positive coverage to major advertisers. I've always been lucky to work for pubs that subscribed to the philosophy that there should be a rigid line between church and state. But advertisers sometimes end up getting positive press because the sales person talks with the company, hears something interesting and passes it along to a reporter. Pressure from sales people usually hasn't netted anything but a little slap on the hand of the sales person. Most understand that it's the independence of the reporters that gives legitimacy to whatever positive press a company gets.

Every corporation has its politics. Every news organization has to weigh the risks and rewards of every story. The best illustration of this was well documented in the true-story movie The Insider, starring Al Pacino and Russell Crowe. It's about what (ironically) CBS went through when "60 Minutes" went after the tobacco industry for lying about cigarettes not being addictive via an interview with a research chemist whistleblower. Terrific movie! Really shows, fairly realistically, in my view, the passion, the angst and the behind-the-scenes discussions, arguments and blow-ups when corporate politics are involved.

Most corporations get away with their politics inside the organization. It's just the way they do business. Most don't consider that they even play politics, which ihs a political play itself. The fact that Dan Rather, a truly credible newsman, is bringing CBS's corporate politics into light, whether he wins or loses, is already a big win for journalism. And God knows, in this day of eroding freedom of the press, we can use all the help we can get.

Old Cars, Old Shoes, Old Friends

I have a great car, a 2003 Nissan Altima that's loaded with absolutely everything. I had to play the Bose sound system at high volume to make sure it was truly awesome before I'd even consider test driving the car. It was. I did. I bought it.

But even as wonderful as it is, as cushy and smooth and well equipped as it is, I'm not in love with it. I appreciate it but don't feel an emotional attachment.

It's like a rock-hard, very manly-handsome guy I went out with a hundred years ago. He looked great on the outside, my friends would have thought I was so lucky, and I *should* have been wild about him, but I didn't feel any chemistry. I only went out with him once.

The two cars I've owned that I loved wholeheartedly were both red but otherwise very different from each other. My 1980 Nissan 280ZX was fabulous. Power, looks, handling, luxury -- I felt like I was driving a cloud. I loved that car every moment I owned it.

And my 1993 Dodge Intrepid with rich-looking gold-edged wheel covers I loved also, even though it didn't have a sun or moon roof or a Star-Wars-looking interior dash set-up or an impressive sound system. But I loved the look and the feel and, most of all, the memories that went with the car. My dad and I picked it out together -- for him -- just a few months before he died. A few years later, after my mom had put all of maybe 2,000 miles on it, I got the car and loved it every moment I had it until I sold it about a year and a half ago. I passed up the opportunity to sell it to a neighbor who had 2 little kids who trashed and threw up in their car -- I couldn't do that to my Intrepid. I kept it way longer than I'd ever kept any other car because I felt it held a little piece of my dad and I didn't want to give it up. But I couldn't stand to see it deterioriate either so I sold it when it was still looking good and performing well. It was a good find for the guy who bought it. He passed muster with me so I let him buy it.

Both cars I had an affinity with, a chemistry. And we made memories together. We survived things. I was married when I owned the Z, and my husband and I zipped around town in our Zs -- he bought one shortly after I bought mine. One day he tried to run me in my Z off the road with his Z. Imagine what that phone call to our insurance agent would have been like. Not long after that, amazingly enough, I moved out. But I have good memories of us, too, earlier, with our almost-matching Zs.

As for shoes, if I like a shoe, I'll buy it in a couple of colors and I'll buy spares. I hate it when they discontinue a style I have adopted as mine. If I have enough back-ups, I'll wear them long after they're no longer available to buy. Okay, so I'm not a fashion trendsetter. But I bond with my shoes. I'd never be like the women who have 300 pairs of shoes...unless it was 30 pairs each of 10 styles.

And then there are friends. I haven't lived in Maryland very long and I didn't know anyone when I moved here. Slowly I'm meeting people. We're all friendly, cordial and happy to see each other. We laugh, we trade stories, we banter, we empathize and we sympathize. But we're still polite with each other. Not very real with each other.

I miss my old friends. The ones who call me on my bullshit and I call them on theirs. The ones who roll their eyes and know that I'm not like that, or that I am. The ones with whom I have history -- it only takes one look and we remember whole long, complicated stories about each other. The ones who know my foibles and love me anyway. The ones who've grown so fond of me that by now they see only a tiny fine line between my strengths and my weaknesses. The ones I can call in the middle of the night if I need to, and they me, even though we rarely do. The ones I'd want near me if anything bad happened to someone I love. The ones who know me, who fit me like my favorite shoes and thrill me -- every time we talk -- like the first time I drove my Z.

Eventually I'll have history with friends here. They'll fit like my well-worn Ecco sandals that I kick and scream at the thought of not wearing as fall arrives. They'll understand my passions, my quirks, my resistances, my moods, my dreams. They'll know the characters, past and present, in my life. And they'll become one of them, two of them, hopefully more. We'll have that rare and beautiful friend-shorthand that only comes with time. Even in this MTV-fast, quick-cut, instant-gratification world...some things still take time.

Broncos and Raiders -- Surprise!!

Living on the East Coast, I rarely get to see the Denver Broncos' games. Including today, when their longtime rival, their nastiest rival, the dastardly Oakland Raiders, came to visit.

So at the beginning of the preseason, I signed up, as I have before, for the NFL Field Pass, which allows me to listen to any NFL game's radio broadcast during a game. Then I can hear what's going on while "watching" the action on the NFL.com site. Unfortunately, it's not streaming video or any video at all. It's a largely dead Web page that refreshes itself every few seconds with the new score, new time and a little field with lines for the lines of scrimmage and where they need to get to for the first down. The only animation, which is a generous term in this case, is when little green dotted lines move down the field to signify a kick. Pretty lame for a bigtime site for such an action-oriented sport.

So that's how I experienced today's Broncos-Raiders debacle. The Raiders have been playing dismally, the Broncos well, and it should've been a slam-dunk (to borrow a basketball metaphor) for the Broncs. The first half was great for Bronco fans -- Broncos dominated (as they should) and the half ended with Broncos 17, Raiders 3. I heard the live radio feed from the Denver Broncos Network and watched the little field on NFL.com.

The second half was a blazing disaster for both teams. Broncos and Raiders alike just kept messing things up. But the Broncos seemed to fall apart and the Raiders caught up, helped in part by the Broncos spotting them two points, via a truly unnecessary safety. Suddenly it was 20-20 and the game went into overtime.

Then a miracle. Two, actually. The first was that right after the Ravens-Jets game ended (Ravens actually won! 20-13), CBS went to Denver and showed the entire overtime. Wow! (Glad I was multi-sporting and had the Ravens game on tv as I kept up with the Bronco game.)

I called my mom and her significant other, Lloyd, a former Raiders fan that we've "persuaded" to become a Bronco fan. They're in Phoenix, where they didn't get the Bronco game either. But there, who knows why, CBS did not air the overtime. So I kept Lloyd on the phone while I gave him my own play-by-play as I watched the live game. Involuntarily I punctuated it with groans, light profanity, squeals and, ultimately, cheers, as at first it looked like the Raiders had won with a Janikowski field goal....But the Broncos had called time out just before (JUST before) the snap, so it was deemed a practice kick. He had to do it all over again and this time it went wide right. That was the second miracle. The highly motivated Broncos jammed the ball down the field and gave superkicker Jason Elam an easy field goal for the true overtime win of 23-20.

The recap video of this incredibly twisty-turny game isn't nearly as much fun to watch as it would've been to see live. But I can't have DirectTV where I live now to see the NFL games so I have to settle for whatever CBS, Fox, ESPN or NBC give me. The NFL Field Pass is a pretty poor workaround for Bronco fans who can't see the games. But I'll take what I can get. And thanks to my local CBS station for airing the overtime part of today's game!

Meeting the Creators of Dismas Hardy and Little Miss Sunshine

Highlights of the Maui Writers Conference, was when we were royally entertained by author John Lescroart (pictured here), screenwriter Michael Arndt, and authors Scott Turow, whose books I've always loved as much for the beautiful writing as much as the plot, and author Buzz Bissinger.

Lescroart (pronounced "Le-SQUAW") is the writer of the best-selling series often featuring lawyer and smart figure-outer Dismas Hardy, his friend the gruff and crusty Detective Abe Glitsky and now a new character, private investigator and former foster child Wyatt Hunt. (They all have "issues.") I was already reading Lescroart's newest paperback, The Hunt Club (Wyatt Hunt's debut), when I left for the conference so I brought it with me, not realizing that Lescroart would be here, let alone a keynote speaker. Next time I may actually read the brochure before I come to the conference.

Arndt is the creator and screenwriter of the raw but hilarious movie Little Miss Sunshine, for which he won an Academy Award this year. I first saw it on an airplane, loved it, and rented it for my mom and her significant other. Mom hated it because of the incessant profanity, which had all been edited out for the airplane version. I still loved the quirky little flick.

Both writers told their stories, what they did when they were waiting to hit it big, what they were thinking at various stages, etc. Lescroart quit his day job many times, and he had many, many day jobs. Arndt only quit his day job twice, the same one twice, in fact, that of being a personal assistant to actor Matthew Broderick. Both talks were just so inspiring. Writers love hearing first-hand stories of writers who have made it. Lescroart was impressive not only for his writing but also for his humility. He kept quoting Arndt in his session the next day on "Six Steps to a Best Seller," which was definitely another highlight. I even bought the CD of that. I loved his steps on "genius mode" and "idiot mode."

Buzz Bissinger is a former journalist, or a current journalist, for all I know -- a journalist, is the point. I haven't read Friday Night Lights, which is a true story, but I love the tv series, which is not. But to tell an author that is like what one public relations person told me a few years ago when she saw a story I'd written about one of her clients that had some very rich photos with it that our photographer had taken: "Ooooooh, it's great!" I said, "But you haven't read it yet." She said, "Oh, no one reads the words anyway."

Scott Turow is a working lawyer and a successful author. Wow. And a nice guy too. During his book signing, his line moved super slowly because he took the time to talk to each person pretty much as long as they liked. I wanted to kick them in the ass, but he was gracious. Admirable.

Fraternizing with fellow writers was such a treat. It's one time when I don't have to explain myself or apologize for my bookworm side. The trick is keeping the magic in mind when we're all back in our real lives.

I did make it to the ocean, but only once. And that was time well spent -- the time at the conference, that is.