The Price of Vanity
As I sit at my kitchen table this morning, I am swollen up like a cartoon character. Lips, cheeks, neck. Ugh! (See today's frightening photo on the right vs. how I normally look on the left.)
It all started when I realized that I had $1,200 left in my flexible spending account (FSA), the pretax money I'd had deducted from my paychecks in 2006 to pay medical expenses. A quick call to WageWorks let me know that I have until March to spend it.
What to do with it, what to do? So many things I could do: Get that pesky, ugly, jagged-edged mole removed (though nearly nobody sees it where it is, anyway). Submit myself to a luxury test, one of those full-body MRI-type things that's supposed to find every little thing that is going on in your body. Start psycho-therapy -- now there's an idea! Or...how about getting my teeth whitened? Yeah, that's it!
Teeth whitening is absurdly popular right now. The gradual yellowing of my teeth has bothered me and when some of my colleagues got their smile brightened, I saw that it made a difference; they looked younger and more alive.
So off I went to my beloved dentist, Dr. Ron Buro in Washington, D.C. I live in the New York City area, but I'll go to him no matter where I live. He rescued my teeth and gums from the damage my New York City heaped on me a decade ago and I've been fiercely loyal ever since.
And he reciprocates. Their office (1901 Pennsylvania Avenue NW, Washington, D.C. 20006,
202-466-3599) isn't open on Fridays but one week I was coming down only on a Friday for a business-related event and he agreed to come in to see me. That was impressive enough but when he was cleaning my teeth (himself!), a couple of other dentists wandered by and congratulated him. I asked what the occasion was. "I'm getting married later today," he told me nonchalantly. What?!?!? I expressed my shock and delight and he said, "Well, you come all the way to see me from New York -- it's the least I can do." How can you not be loyal to a guy like that?
Recently I saw his partner, Dr. Alan Marx, and I related that story to him. He said, "When you've been married as many times as he and I have, it's just another day." Har de har.
It all started when I realized that I had $1,200 left in my flexible spending account (FSA), the pretax money I'd had deducted from my paychecks in 2006 to pay medical expenses. A quick call to WageWorks let me know that I have until March to spend it.
What to do with it, what to do? So many things I could do: Get that pesky, ugly, jagged-edged mole removed (though nearly nobody sees it where it is, anyway). Submit myself to a luxury test, one of those full-body MRI-type things that's supposed to find every little thing that is going on in your body. Start psycho-therapy -- now there's an idea! Or...how about getting my teeth whitened? Yeah, that's it!
Teeth whitening is absurdly popular right now. The gradual yellowing of my teeth has bothered me and when some of my colleagues got their smile brightened, I saw that it made a difference; they looked younger and more alive.
So off I went to my beloved dentist, Dr. Ron Buro in Washington, D.C. I live in the New York City area, but I'll go to him no matter where I live. He rescued my teeth and gums from the damage my New York City heaped on me a decade ago and I've been fiercely loyal ever since.
And he reciprocates. Their office (1901 Pennsylvania Avenue NW, Washington, D.C. 20006,
202-466-3599) isn't open on Fridays but one week I was coming down only on a Friday for a business-related event and he agreed to come in to see me. That was impressive enough but when he was cleaning my teeth (himself!), a couple of other dentists wandered by and congratulated him. I asked what the occasion was. "I'm getting married later today," he told me nonchalantly. What?!?!? I expressed my shock and delight and he said, "Well, you come all the way to see me from New York -- it's the least I can do." How can you not be loyal to a guy like that?
Recently I saw his partner, Dr. Alan Marx, and I related that story to him. He said, "When you've been married as many times as he and I have, it's just another day." Har de har. (In this picture, Dr. Buro is on the right, Dr. Marx is in the back, and Dr. Robert Caldwell, whom I don't know, is on the left. I got this pic from Dr. Marx's Web site. )
A rather grueling in-office treatment consisted of them putting some kind of bleaching formula on my teeth with my lips pulled away for four 20-minute segments of exposing them to a bright light. When Dr. Marx asked how I was doing, I said it's pretty uncomfortable. "It's the dentist!" he jokingly barked unsympathetically. Cracked me up.
Then they made a mold of my teeth -- fortunately, I don't have a bad gagging reflex -- and I got two little soft plastic "trays" that fit my upper and lower teeth a couple of weeks later, along with a less-intense treatment sans light. I took the trays home and tried to follow instructions for nighttime treatment for the next two weeks: Push a little dot of the gel (through the syringe it comes in) into each little tooth area in the trays, fit the mold to the teeth and immediately retire for the night. They don't want saliva to dilute the gel and they don't want the trays to move to secrete the gel.
Well, I'm an insomniac and rarely get more than three or four hours of sleep in a row before waking up. The first night went okay. Not too uncomfortable. The next morning, however, my mouth, especially my upper lip, was a bit swollen. I looked a bit like I had a fat lip. It took a few hours to get back to normal. Okay, use less gel, the instructions say, if you have any trouble.
The second and third nights went okay too but my lips were a little puffy then too. Looked like I'd had collagen injections, not all bad on my thin lips, but made it tough to talk. And I didn't look quite right. (No comments from the peanut gallery, please.) I think each morning I was progressively a little more swollen. But I liked how my teeth were looking and the instructions were to do this every night for two weeks and then to go back for one more in-office treatment.
I wanted the best result, but I was getting concerned about this swelling. So yesterday, Friday, when their office was closed. I called and was given Dr. Marx's cell phone number -- he was the dentist on call. His cell phone number is also printed on his business card. More doctors and dentists should do that instead of hiding as they do during non-business hours. (A whole separate subject that I could rail on about for hours -- I had a terrible experience with that on a weekend with my mom's doctor. I started a blog item on it but figured I'd get sued for libel, despite the fact that truth is a defense for libel.)
I didn't get home from an appointment until late evening last night, and I didn't check my phone messages (duh!) so I just plodded on with my gel-in-trays treatment. I woke up at 3:00 a.m. and realized that I was puffed up more than usual. I took the trays out and discovered a phone message that Dr. Marx had left about an hour after I'd left a message for him. He said to call him back and meanwhile to stop the treatments.
Too late.
I put some ice on my mouth, hoping to calm down the swelling. And after a few minutes of that, I went back to bed.
Imagine my displeasure when I woke up at 7:00 looking a lot worse than the picture on this page shows. I felt seriously disfigured. Major-league ugly. Interestingly, my first thought was that there are people I see every day who look like that. That's the way they look every day. So if I were to go to the grocery story, which I need to do today, probably nobody would think much of it. I don't know much of anybody in my little town so I am not worried about that. In another hour or so, I'll venture out. Otherwise, I'll be eating the dust bunnies off of the floor -- I am pretty well out of food!
I called Dr. Marx again and he reiterated his instructions to stop the treatment until I see him or Dr. Buro in another week and a half. Use warm salt water and that should calm things down, he said. If really uncomfortable, take a Benadryl.
In just the few hours since I've been up, the swelling has gone down quite a bit. I hope to be back to my old thin-lipped self by tomorrow. And I won't use the stuff tonight. He said he can give me some gel that's not quite so strong, but my vanity wants the stuff that'll give me the best result, the brightest, whitest smile I can get.
The main thing he said is that I must be using too much gel. It shouldn't seep out. Okay, okay. Maybe I'll try it again, with just a tiny dot in each tooth area in the trays, in a couple of nights.... Yes, I'm that vain.
Stay tuned. I'll let you know how it all turns out.
A rather grueling in-office treatment consisted of them putting some kind of bleaching formula on my teeth with my lips pulled away for four 20-minute segments of exposing them to a bright light. When Dr. Marx asked how I was doing, I said it's pretty uncomfortable. "It's the dentist!" he jokingly barked unsympathetically. Cracked me up.
Then they made a mold of my teeth -- fortunately, I don't have a bad gagging reflex -- and I got two little soft plastic "trays" that fit my upper and lower teeth a couple of weeks later, along with a less-intense treatment sans light. I took the trays home and tried to follow instructions for nighttime treatment for the next two weeks: Push a little dot of the gel (through the syringe it comes in) into each little tooth area in the trays, fit the mold to the teeth and immediately retire for the night. They don't want saliva to dilute the gel and they don't want the trays to move to secrete the gel.
Well, I'm an insomniac and rarely get more than three or four hours of sleep in a row before waking up. The first night went okay. Not too uncomfortable. The next morning, however, my mouth, especially my upper lip, was a bit swollen. I looked a bit like I had a fat lip. It took a few hours to get back to normal. Okay, use less gel, the instructions say, if you have any trouble.
The second and third nights went okay too but my lips were a little puffy then too. Looked like I'd had collagen injections, not all bad on my thin lips, but made it tough to talk. And I didn't look quite right. (No comments from the peanut gallery, please.) I think each morning I was progressively a little more swollen. But I liked how my teeth were looking and the instructions were to do this every night for two weeks and then to go back for one more in-office treatment.
I wanted the best result, but I was getting concerned about this swelling. So yesterday, Friday, when their office was closed. I called and was given Dr. Marx's cell phone number -- he was the dentist on call. His cell phone number is also printed on his business card. More doctors and dentists should do that instead of hiding as they do during non-business hours. (A whole separate subject that I could rail on about for hours -- I had a terrible experience with that on a weekend with my mom's doctor. I started a blog item on it but figured I'd get sued for libel, despite the fact that truth is a defense for libel.)
I didn't get home from an appointment until late evening last night, and I didn't check my phone messages (duh!) so I just plodded on with my gel-in-trays treatment. I woke up at 3:00 a.m. and realized that I was puffed up more than usual. I took the trays out and discovered a phone message that Dr. Marx had left about an hour after I'd left a message for him. He said to call him back and meanwhile to stop the treatments.
Too late.
I put some ice on my mouth, hoping to calm down the swelling. And after a few minutes of that, I went back to bed.
Imagine my displeasure when I woke up at 7:00 looking a lot worse than the picture on this page shows. I felt seriously disfigured. Major-league ugly. Interestingly, my first thought was that there are people I see every day who look like that. That's the way they look every day. So if I were to go to the grocery story, which I need to do today, probably nobody would think much of it. I don't know much of anybody in my little town so I am not worried about that. In another hour or so, I'll venture out. Otherwise, I'll be eating the dust bunnies off of the floor -- I am pretty well out of food!
I called Dr. Marx again and he reiterated his instructions to stop the treatment until I see him or Dr. Buro in another week and a half. Use warm salt water and that should calm things down, he said. If really uncomfortable, take a Benadryl.
In just the few hours since I've been up, the swelling has gone down quite a bit. I hope to be back to my old thin-lipped self by tomorrow. And I won't use the stuff tonight. He said he can give me some gel that's not quite so strong, but my vanity wants the stuff that'll give me the best result, the brightest, whitest smile I can get.
The main thing he said is that I must be using too much gel. It shouldn't seep out. Okay, okay. Maybe I'll try it again, with just a tiny dot in each tooth area in the trays, in a couple of nights.... Yes, I'm that vain.
Stay tuned. I'll let you know how it all turns out.
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