Junk Food and Me: We're Separated, Not Divorced

Today was Day 27 for me on the Beta HCG Diet. I've lost 18 pounds. My clothes that had fit way too tightly now fit more like they're supposed to. And in general I feel so much better than I did 18 pounds ago. Every day is easier than the day before. I have another almost two weeks to go and then I slowly go back to eating food, just not the food I was eating before.

Last night I went to the grocery store -- hungry. Never a good idea but I knew I wouldn't buy any junk because I'm pretty immune right now to temptation. My behavior I can control. But my desires...well, that's a different story.

I longed for so many foods as I went around picking up what I needed. Crusty bread. Large, fluffy crackers. Colorful vegetable soup with fat noodles. Cheese of all varieties. Oh, for some cheese! I made it out okay, then went to dinner and was fine.

Then I came home and saw commercial after commercial on TV for things they make look so good. Pepperoni pizza with extra cheese. Sloppy, juicy cheeseburgers. A table filled with a huge, beautifully browned turkey and all the trimmings. Piping-hot Mexican food drowned in cheese and salsa. Plump, juicy hot dogs. I want it. I really want it. I want it all.

I've had a love affair with high-sugar food, high-fat food and plain old junk food probably since childhood. My mom and dad tried to get me to eat healthy food, or at least healthier food, but over the years I'd go up and down in terms of how in love I was with the poorer choices. Eventually we -- junk food and me -- got married. We've lived happily ever after for years and years. However, like many marriages, it looked good on the outside and the primal pleasures of it were good, but it was killing me. So now thanks to the Beta HCG Diet we're separated. But not divorced. Will we ever be? It's clear that the attraction is still there. I have the strength to stay away now, during the severely restrictive stage. But what about when I add foods back in to my daily diet? I have no faith in my ability to stay away.

Right now there are fun-size Milky Ways and outrageously rich Berger cookies on my dining room table, left over from my two required gorge days before the low-calorie restricted diet kicked in. I resist them every day. They don't call to me, or if they do, I don't hear them. I rarely even notice them. But that's because I'm committed to this diet for the WHOLE time I'm on it. But then what?

I don't want to reconcile with the food that I've loved and become addicted to while it was working behind the scenes to fatten me up and shorten my life. I don't want to reconcile with it but I also don't want to do without it. Well, for the moment I don't have to worry about imminent temptation. I still have 13 days to go on the low-calorie plan. 16 days, really, because I have to add them on until the HCG gets out of my system. Then another three weeks of no sugars and starches. Then I can add in one or two foods at a time. Maybe by then I'll be ready for the divorce. Stay tuned.